Past midnight, I sat in the outdoor balcony listening to the drizzle that later changed into a fierce pouring. And the thunder and lightening grew louder and stronger too.
The whole day I had been inside the house, confined, which is so unlike me ... I knew why I was.
Anyways, I had to force myself to journal and that journaling uprooted deep sorrows, triggers and memories, some questions and answers that I seek but haven't and will never get.
When it got dark and was quiet, except for the healing sound of rains, I couldn't hold myself and rushed to the balcony.
I was sitting there watching the water flow in this beautiful form as rains and observing how it's sound created a melody for the soul. Amidst this, I lost my train of thoughts sinking deep into my pain. I was lost until a loud clap thunder and a flash of lightning, that transformed the whole sky, pulled me back. That was also the moment the rain grew more dense. To me it felt, as if were the cry of my soul; wanting to weep hard and let everything out so that the traces of pain and emotional baggage might dissolve or diminish completely.
And for that moment, I had no qualms about identifying my deep seated grief to the purity of that rain. My chest started to feel a bit lighter and my eyes yearned for that fierce lightening and thunder. Somewhere, I knew that my heart needed that nudge...even if it is frightening.
At one point, I felt, I should get up from my chair and head straight to the terrace, get drenched in that rain, even if it isn't recommended.... And I did that! In the mid of this night in city light (darkness is a myth here or lies only in the hearts...)
I asked the rain gods to help me heal and wash away the heaviness I carried as the shadow of my past....
Even though the rains at this time of the year is un called for, I felt a deep resonance and infact I looked forward to more of it....
Just the sound eased my being and I knew I will sleep peacefully, for the remainder of the night.
The intensity of the rain reduced, but it's heart warming presence and the music calmed my soul I knew I could sleep peacefully without the baggage of shadows of the past, guilt of tears for trapped emotions and beliefs that are capable of shattering me all over again.
But for now, I surender to this sound of rain....
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