Never

 

The 'later' which became never...

slowly but steadily.

The wait - in a hope to meet...

Which became endless unfulfilled moments filled with intentional distractions...

...

A fact, a fate, a choice, a pain, a mistake, a suffering, a yearning, a familiarity...

The previlege of a conversation

These days, our meetings have become a rare occurrence. His days are mostly spent in hospitals, attending to his ailing mother. During one such rare meeting at a café: Me: "How are you?" He (with reddish, tired, sleep-deprived eyes and a forced smile): "I am doing okay... Let's discuss something else." Me: (Instantly, like a radio, I start throwing out all the details of) my life—work, new learnings, family, travel—endlessly. Even in my detachment, every bit of my being feels a deep need to care for him, hoping this light banter might offer a moment of easy distraction. I held his hand and pressed his palms, assuring him that all would be well. He (opening up): "Seeing both parents suffer, one after the other, takes its own toll..." I nodded in agreement. After a comfortable pause, I asked: Me: "What is your relationship with relationships?" He: "Frankly, I don't know... I am still learning. One of my past-life regressions revealed I was a monk and a warrior. In this life, I have never had anyone around for very long... Except for you." Me (feeling a deep sense of ease and gratitude for his honesty, rawness, and surrender): "Then why am I still here? What role am I meant to play?" He: "I don't know, but I believe it's something from the past. Dad once said a girl from the north would be a big pillar of support..." Me: "Hmm... I’m glad you’re aware and true to yourself. All the way on my ride to the café, I was wondering about that exact question." Our conversation drifted on for another few minutes over herbal tea. What surprised me most was the profound ease in my being—no judgment, no security seeking, no rush to anchor where I belong. Perhaps I have simply accepted my life’s course as it is. I have lived—or chosen to live—numerous such battles alongside him throughout his life. At times, it exhausted me and deprived me of a traditional partnership, but every season was teaching me something deeper. It is a privilege when a relationship can move from Nothing to Something to Nothing again—consciously. For me, it has become a act of service: to be the quiet witness of a soul unfolding, seeing a man in control of his senses, a devoted son, a friend in need, a safety net, and a fearless being... who sometimes just needs to be reminded that he is loved, thought of, respected, and worthy of ease.