I can be a model for my Blog

 (April 30th, 2023)

Another book another trip inwards :)

 

Absolute best! A healing trail...

The Wilderness

 

Wilderness of nature and that of us all!

A unique experience I got to experience and be a part of - Summer camp 2026 for kids of 10-12 years.

It's hard for me to believe that I was trusted with craft and creativity sessions and journaling and that I could do it so well. Without any prior experience..may be life had prepared me along the way.

There was a lot of management required, understanding various emotions of the kids... balancing our own energies to match and to continue the momentum for these three days!

The experience of being just another kid among the group yet a responsible one on the team...

I recall a moment when a kid came upto me and said - Mam, you are ~36 yrs (incorrect) so you are almost like my Mom's age and the other one said, my dad is even younger 😄. I wanted to have fun and tease them but the moment had me when I realized that folks ~my age are parents whereas I haven't yet quite done parenting myself 😄🙈.

A group of seventeen kids, origami sessions all the scolding and holding smiles and the plane flying event where they all are instructed to sing a song and they all start in Chorus - Let it go, let Go, let it Goooooo

A part of me was healing... I was telling them to let go fear (from the thunderstorms a night before)...

The memory of when a tall boy (being always cornered for being mischievous) came seeking help

and gently he says mam I am not the one always...etc. 

His innocence and trust in me healed me a bit, and my heart trusted him, the desire in him to be a good being...🙏

During the block printing event, he even messed up the cotton cloth and came humbly to see if he can fix it, and I assured we can do something about it:)

And when his tent-mate made a poop on his journal, I said let's turn the journal upside down and mark it as cashew fruit hanging 😜😄😄🙈🤷‍♀️

I don't know how I was so empowered to be what I was, something in me got overwhelmed at last and had bouts of tears...

The pics shared here are the onces I took during that solo retreat, barefoot walk and when I sat with my feets dipped in the backwater and eyes intact with the setting sun....

I couldn't pin what was making me feel so hurtful (after an incident with another volunteer's behaviour) but something was there which was deeply nudged and was surfacing and was being let out as tears and sobb.

Overall a beautiful and soulful time spent with wonderful kids and my heart is full 💞🙏

Thank you, SIF for trusting me and for allowing me to be part of this, for me being a small pillar in your dream project. For holding space for me when I break every ounce of protocal on love, kindness, respect and madness. Thank you for holding me when I am broken and raw, for assuring me I deserve respect and care 🙏

Lastly, I was uberly excited thinking I have found a new species of frog with a flap kind of tail and looking forward to share it with the camp kids only to later learn from one of the young girl that - Mam that is a stage of growing up of frog...

(All I had learned was thru textbooks and my imagination which wasn't accessible for my teachers 🤷‍♀️😄)

एक लम्हा।

 

ए लम्हे,

​ले चल मुझे अपने साथ, उन पलों के पास
जहाँ मैं—एक आजाद पंछी की तरह उड़ान भरूँ,
जहाँ मैं बहते निर्मल पानी सी, बस अपने बहाव में रहूँ।

​ए लम्हे,

​रोज़ ऐसे पलों को मैं जीती हूँ,
जो या तो मुझमें बसी ज्वाला से जलते हैं,
या दबी सी कुछ यादों में बस आना-जाना करते हैं।

​ए लम्हे,

​कह दो कि तुम मेरे अपने हो,
और तुममें मैं संपूर्ण हूँ।
खुला आसमान सा ये एहसास हो,

न कोई आस हो, न कोई पास...

​बस मैं और एक लम्हा!

Maan ka Hans 🦢

 राधा रानी ने कहा प्रभु से,

इसके तो भीतर का हंस रो रहा है। कुछ करो प्रभु।

(From Seema)

--

During my trip to Agra and all that unfolded....

Association of security

How strange it is—the ways in which we humans associate security with:

Having a bond;

Someone to call mine and be theirs;

A framed appearance of a deceased loved one;

A particular annoying habit of those who left us;

Pain being held deep beneath the layers of outward emotions;

Being one with the trends... even if they serve no purpose;

Being an observer from afar;

Securing and safeguarding certain identities;

At times, hoarding things or patterns in one's life;

Creating the "known" over and over again;

Disapproving of exploration;

Or that of avoiding any fall;

Overthinking;

Catastrophizing the simplest things;

Silencing our own voices;

Denials of self-acceptance;

Everything outwardly driven and on autopilot;

Not committing to the committable;

Over-exerting the self;

Clinging to conditioning rather than the flow;

The adhesive of identity, the altering peel-off of—"this is how I am";

Feeling shame, even for a simple smile or a twinkle in the eye.

But then, In the blessed course of one's life:

Life reminds us in gentle ways to embrace the flow and drop the questioning. It reassures us with bonds that aren't tied, but rooted—deeply.

It is found in every deep, slow breath that opens up acceptance and willingness; it clears the doubts and insecurities, false identities, and pretensions. It is in the healing of the unmet needs of childhood and making peace with them.

It is in embracing courage for the most honest and open conversations with those that matter. It is in allowing the self to be forgiving and welcoming of who we desire to be... the one that is not struggled for.

The weight of restraint

On days when the longing is immense,

When clouds of thoughts are blinding,

When the power to restrain is given,

When life, outside of self, means nothing!

When every facet of who we are is directed against us — or it appears to be so ...

What one misses the most?

A dear someone by the side;

One with whom every word, or even silence begins to make sense