Humpty Dumpty types fall

So I had to write this to feel relieved from the pain I am experience in the heart and also right thumb because I fell off from my bike in a very dramatic way infront of a veggie store and I was ignored (or i feel it that way😢 coz there was a Missing piece of stone block at the store front walkway.

Later I went to fill petrol and I wasn't sure if I would even be able  to ride my bike that far...but thankfully I could.

There were lot of thoughts running in my head and I had to fix something to get me out of those thoughts so while returning I thought of buying new shoes for my hiking tomorrow....

Actually it all started with another new set of shoes which I had bought online .. colour looked good but I wasn't sure if I will be able to use them for trekking and was a bit panicked as I dint have any other shoes either. 

Something was off with the fitting of the shoes which I got online. And while leaving home itself I had some unsettled feeling which was also triggered by the below message in the evening,  from a friend whom I have had a rough exchange of words this morning.....

(Hmmm... I am still on my way...Just FYI... Something came up yesterday evening due to which I am extremely disturbed... I am not myself and taking time to realign)

Jumping a few events forward one strange thing I noticed, while I was searching from one brand to another for my shoes I had this urge to check what it means to injure ones thumb (from Louise L. Hays books : you can heal your life) and shockingly It says : thumb represents intellect and worry and the affermation to heal was suggested as : my mind is at peace.

This very moment I am laughing in my heart that who in their right mind will not be at peace after having a glorious Humpty Dumpty fall 😅 (but thumb hurts and has become fluffy baby🤕). Aaj mujhe apne thumb ki value pata chal gayi.... everytime it hurts I knew I have to thank it all this years of partnership and ease in my day to day events right from chopping veggies by a holding the knife a certain way and not using a chopping board, to dressing up to even using a key in the 🚪 lock....

Past-life baggages or promises and How I avoided love

Last week I attended a two days past life regression session. To be honest, I am not really sure how far that worked with me but having experimented and experienced life from some of great teachings of Louise L. Hay...I know something did work or surfaced and me participating in that session in itself was a testimony of something working out for me for my higher good.

What let me to this session was - firstly the repeated pattern surfacing be it with my health or relationships.

Secondly,  seems my Dr. and healer had this Divine calling to offer me this 1:1 session inspite of dates being fully booked till September.

Also, early on my book reading journey, I happen to come across -many lives many masters by Dr Brian Weiss on past life regression therapy and his experiences with his patients. And somewhere I believed it and and understood how we go through multiple lives or incarnations  and how certain events nudge us in certain directions to get done with the learnings that soul needs to learn.

My session on D2 was extremely intense with memories emerging as flash of images transitioning from one to another and taking me to places and incarnations I have had not even imagined!. Images of people, places, experiences and even roles as men, women, child, animal or even rescuer. All from times in the past lives when my soul was in the body of many different beings having various day to day interactions and roles being played. What I carried was experiences right before I left my body from those lifetimes. I could go back to an era where I had found some strong resemblance with princess of Mandu Gadh - Rani Roopmati, to an era of battles and I was a warrior and peacefully contemplating the reason of that war (nos. That flashes were 53) and how life evolves and transitions from one life to another.

In one I saw a visual of a black baby whose head was covered with flies/ black bees and who I pulled out of somewhere from a yellowish  soil and his eyes were open but limbs were dried up and extremely skinny. The facilitator ask me if I know the baby and I said no I don't know I was asked to look at myself and if I see something which resonates I said I only see my hands which means maybe I was a rescuer or helper then I was asked to look at the baby right into the eyes I replied that those eyes strangely resemble someone I got to know very recently. I focused into the visual and look straight into the eyes of the baby a seems like was still or lifeless but I got a message saying "I love you mama", do I was into the session at this strange message I choked I had tears dropping one by one from my closed eyes. 

Another such horrifying event was recalled from some 10000 yrs old from where my soul took a engraved memory of believing that love means punishment and sacrifice. I saw that I was badly shamed inform of the society for loving someone and I was painted black and dropped into a pit with so many people (mainly men) and later I was tied to the walls of that dark pit and my private parts were made to be chewed off by a tiger.

After this all I felt exhausted as if It was all too deep and too overwhelming for me to  experienced such long held beliefs, baggages and still struggling to find a way out into my peace into the waking life

The return it all here this just make sense of it all and also give myself enough channels and time to let it all go because maybe I thought I'll be as free and fresh after the session but no waking life is a combination of habits it those believes I had held so long and one which  proved to be the right ones  over and over because I had to believe them.

Post the session it was also brief discussion about my childhood my relationship with my mom how I feel so ignore or maybe abandoned and the underlining believe about relationship or about fear of abandonment froze me over in over. I created situations where either I call for a mess so that I avoid abandonment.

I feel I have a lot to draft from those 2 days sessions but I would want to pause and just breathe. Breath Deep and believe. Believe that I can trust life believe that everything is working out for  my good and for my higher self.

A deep Sigh.....

Titbits : refreshing and tiny joyous moments

Two days back I wanted to write a song for myself.
Early into this thought I got four lines that goes like :

Messy home

Scattered thoughts 

overwhelming emotions and

a struggle to beat them all....

the funny part was that I continued to repeat these lines in my mind with the music stolen from some random movie's title tracks or songs that I believe I have had heard ....and possibly that's why they were accessible from my subconscious brain. But eventually my will was stronger than anything else and I ended-up successfully closing all my office work for the day, Cooking/ ordering, kitchen cleaning and even sorting clothes and getting them ironed ..including the messy to tidy home! so no more that messy song.

In the recent past, I've had many refreshing and tiny joyous moments, and I wanted to capture them in this post and I name it as Titbits of life (for my love of those mouth fresheners)!

1. A Coco-Nutty Affair !

In March, I was trying to increase my hemoglobin levels and stop irregular bleeding. I relied on home remedies and got some groceries delivered. The groceries included dry coconut, jaggery balls, and beetroots. When I opened the package, I realised that I had accidentally ordered two bags of dry coconut and no beetroots. I was tired and didn't feel like dealing with it, so I just put the groceries away. I also told my neighbor, who was on vacation, that she could have some of the extra dry coconut.

A few weeks later, I went to the kitchen to refill some dry coconut. I grabbed the same transparent poly bag with the ease of it being a hard shelled dry coconut but to my shock it was soft and little squishy. I was almost about to scream thinking it to be a dead mouse or something strange in my hand. Then I realised that I had grabbed the beetroot which I had mistakenly added to the store.

I felt silly laughing at myself that day :D 

2. Mallika-e-hemoglobinellanous !

One such day, the cooking gas in my home got over and I had to use my neighbour's kitchen for all my cooking needs and thankfully they weren't there and had given me the house keys. I was hopeful that my gas tank will be changed in a day or two but it got delayed due to my health and me avoiding to lift heavy objects plus, there was a lot of heavy planters around the gas chamber and for that I had to wait for my owner's Son-in-law to get free from his day job and fix it.

One such day I was chatting with my other neighbour while cooking at her home...she asked me what I cooked and I sent her a Pic of my beetroot masala rotti and conversation went like this :)

Me: Making at ur home

She: Okay. What special?

Me: (Shared a pic of pink  beetroot masala rotti ) and asked U?

She: Had food already 🥚

She: Mujhe lagta tum lal aur Hari bhari ho jaogi khoon ke chakkar mein 😂

Me: 🤣

Me: But khoon to aata hi ja raha hai so...🤷‍♀️

She: 😂

Me: Beetrella n palakishious

She: Milake hemoglobinellanous🤣

Me: 🤣🤣🤣🙏🏻

3. Fu_k finger got puffy!

Since a few weekends have been attending tree plantation drive with a group of retired folks who are also rotary club members. While on this drive, last weekend I happened to injure my middle finger of left hand with small Bruce from a metal enclosure which is used as a protective cover around the tender plant and which went unnoticed thru the day unless I stop for breakfast at a small hotel for idly and while washing my hands... I realised there is some sensation on my middle finger and something felt odd when a looked attentively I saw that my middle finger is swollen and a bit near the joint and when I looked at the back of my palm..all  fingers held together I had a slight laugh at myself that it's no other finger but the middle finger which is sadly also known as the f*** finger has got puffed up and the rhyming words made be laugh.

I always feel that God has a very strange way of making me feel the presence by such gestures of pure joy in the most gloomy of times...and I am deeply grateful.💝

Khush hoon me zindagi ki apni is kitaab me.

Khush hoon me zindagi ki apni is kitaab me. 

Tatolti hoon un panno ko jo shayad adhure se reh gaye kuch un-kahe sawal-jawabo me.

kabhi-kabhi sochti hoon ki ye aas-paas ki kamoshi kitni zaroori hai zindagi ki shyaahi k liye

aur kabhi, kuch panno pe ye hi shyaahi shor ke dhabbe chor jaati hai

kuch shor ko shabdo ka sahara miljata hai aur vo tham se jaate hain

to kuch be-parwah goonjte rehate hai...ki shayad kabhi unka bhi kahin kuch arth hoga....

Samay ke saath hum ek adhyay se doosare ki taraf badhte chale jaa rahe hain

aur kabhi पृष्ठ स्मृतिyo (bookmarks) ki madad se thoda ruk kar,  kahani ko ehsaas me laa rahe hain.

ye sil-sila ruk ke chalne ka aur chalkar rukne ka jaari hai.

aur vahi silsila ek ajeeb sa jaadoo bikher deta hai  

to kabhi yaad dilati hai -  jab hum akhri shabd piro rahe honge....shayad ye kitaab Padhenge sab us din.