I sat down to journal about the core need of being in the moment, with all will and grit practicing it in each possible thought, behaviour, action or being.
Everything feel like weight-bearing as soon as it gets associated to 'Mine' - 'My Time, My Life, My work, My Art, My appreciation, My Feelings, My Expressions, My Music, My Poetry, My people, My hurts etc.
And how mind plays the prominence in it all.
In this journey of mindfulness, the biggest struggle I face is that of Mind and Mine. The Mind fools me to believe about the separate identity of this living being among the constellation of many others around or somewhere in the universe. That identity creates a sense of power, ego, separatisms but at times fuels some exclusivity too. I always long for that exclusivity in the expression of my life.
What pulled me to practice Mindfulness?. For some-reason this past week, I had been feeling emotionally chaotic. With events or emotions directly or incidentally hitting me high. Also, somewhere I was blessed to be reading the 'No Mud No Lotus' and that also kept me sane and guided me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. To shut the chatter, I always wanted to keep myself busy, engaged with something or the other, either read, get busy cleaning home, arranging the mess around or pre-plan a lot of things in the day so that mind always has something to linger on to. so that I do not blame myself to the 'perceived' knowledge of 'wasting time'...
Today when the calling - to be at ease, to hear myself, to meditate was too intense I allowed myself to learn to go with the flow. It instantly felt Peaceful. In a way I released my cows - that of control, that of someone else's perception of experiencing life. As I am writing this I experience a new depth of this inner dimension, of that of acceptance of self - in ease or turmoil, in hurt or pain, in glory or joy, in peace or Bliss. It is initially hard, very hard to see oneself in a different light.. stepping into uncomfortable zone
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