With the first word that I typed, my mind threw this doubt - really? Are you sitting to write about your Diwali? Then why particularly this one? you have had so many in the past.. much brighter ones, One with family/ friends around .....have you gone silly?
Well..the above lines just to acknowledge my mind's initial contribution and make peace with it.
Now the dilemma -do I begin with 'why this Diwali?' or what all this Diwali?. I choose the latter.
Started my day with a heartfelt bow to the rising Sun. I woke-up this morning with a very un-cheerful mood as if something/ someone was totally dead in me or my life. Consciously deciding not to let this drab feeling take-over, I decided to meditate (vipassana) for 15mins and that was the turning point of my day! Right before I planned to open my eyes, at the completion of guided meditation...I felt a warmth on my forehead, It made me feel as if I was being guided or directed towards an inward journey and the spotlight was on me. I felt more aware and calm. The bright light panned from forehead and slowly spread across and lit the whole face ...and I smilingly opened my eyes.
The calmness that followed gave me willingness to keep going. I decided to follow my long pending calling to cook Roti's, apply ghee + Jaggery and feed the cows at a Goushala. I got ready, choose a beautiful salwar-suit (a gift from mom) and decided to start preparations and also dial-up home to seek everyone's blessings at home and wish them a graceful Dipawali. While preparing the dough, mistakenly I added extra water and to fix that I had to add a bit more wheat flour but a voice in heart said God wants you to feed more and more cows...I felt so extremely grateful and elated. I had few calls from cousin, nephews and all elderly at home and I felt so grateful about all of their presence in my life.
Then owner uncle visited and wanted to fix the decorative lights for Diwali eve and wanted my help. But I offered him a string light (gifted by a friend) and one electric extension box....rest I left in the hands of a genius electrical engineer. I always wondered how much he loves his wife and this is expressed in thousand ways in which he try to keep her healthy, feel loved, honoured and his whole being revolves around her. He is selflessly tireless in his pursuits as a loving husband and without a second thought I can say....he is a living God. Salute to that timeless Love of Uncle-Aunty.
After packing Roti's, I booked an auto, quickly finish my breakfast and started off to the "Khatu Shyaam Temple". The ride took me back in my mind and a lot of thoughts started to pour. On my way, I saw a flower vendor with heaps of vibrantly blooming orange and yellow marigold flowers ...one that cannot be missed. It was almost instantly that I asked the auto driver to stop as I wanted to purchase some flowers and he happily obliged. I also realised that those flowers also reminded me of Diwali at home. In the time of distances, one experiences their own identities thru these bits of gestures, rituals and traditions and I was no different. I took a mix of both varieties and started again. The route was same as that which lead to the apartment where a couple friend lived and who recently relocated to Delhi. I missed them and informed them about my visit to the temple as they had introduced me to this temple. They felt happy as they too were still adjusting with the change of place. After a while we were close to the temple lane and seeing an elderly man waving at my auto, I requested the driver to stop & got-off only to realise that the temple was still at a good ~ 4kms walk. Well I accepted this bitter reality and continued to walk with flowers in one hand and my bag with a book, roti box and purse in another.
I reached the temple exactly 45mins earlier than it's closing time (1:15pm IST). The main entrance leads to a long passage with a wide opening that eventually leads to a staircases that opens into the temple. As I entered the gate, I saw an old lady sitting at the side platform with a small hanky laid open next to her and had a few coins and some cash on it. I walked past but then returned to offer her a small token from myside too and then proceeded. I reached the temple hall upstairs, only to see that the main deity is covered in a blue silk clot veil with red and gold checkered embroidery and for a micro second i doubted myself if I missed seeing the deity as may be I reached too late...but when I saw around me a few families were still there and something about their gestures told me we all are waiting :). So I stepped-in closer to the main sanctum sanctorum and sat and soon I hear a song - Jahan Biraje Radha Rani (wherever sits Radha Rani...) I was astonished and couldn't belive my ears and eyes at the timing. Every passing moment started to feel magical. Soon in about a few other priest walked-in and the elderly one looked at me and smilingly asked if all is well ...and I was even more lost and nodded. Then he asked the younger priest to start the chants and slowly un-veil Khatu Shyaamji's deity for Darshan. Fresh marigold garlands and jewels covered the Deity and the sight was so overwhelming and mesmerising at the same time. I wanted to just stay there and continue to look at the deity. The priest also called me to take aarti (lit lamps offered up to gods) and then he blessed me using a bundle of Peacock feather tied together. I felt more and more blessed. I then shared with him that I am carrying some roti's for cows and he asked me to makesure that I feed the cows with my own hand and not throw or leave the offerings on floor. I thanked him for his guidance and advice. As I was about to leave the premise, he asked me to hold my veil such that I can accept the flowers and fruits in my lap. He filled my veil with a handful of roses, Banana and a box with some sweets.๐น
I left the premise still in disbelief of what all just happened but my spirits were uplifted. I then walked towards Goushala which was next to the temple building. I entered the the space and took a walk around to see the cows and calfs either munching or sleeping or standing and also giving me a stare :D. My heart pulled me towards a black cow and I offered her the first roti but she din't open her mouth and my heart synced with self doubt...may be I din't make roti's with pure heart etc. then I saw a new born calf next to it with a beautiful reddish brown skin with white hairs and offered the same rolled roti with Ghee and jaggery to it and inspite of being such cute little baby...she grabbed it and with all her intelligence to chew....took away the whole piece from my had. Its acceptance melted me and brought tears to my eyes. The way it was licking my hands touched my heart and dissolved all the heaviness in it. I can't express how delighted I felt. ๐. I spent a few mins, offered some donations in the name of Osiyaji mata and left for home.
Eventually the evening turned-out to be full of happiness with Mom and Badi maa on call, Uncle & aunty on my floor to see the decoration and a lot of happy pictures. The selfless celebrations made my day and at night I had a call with my friends at Delhi and later I slept with a peaceful ๐ .
Thank you!
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