...Towards the dusk

A comfortable train journey,

Some bit of roasted groundnuts

A little bit of reading....

A lot of irritation, sobbing and taunting....:( (💔)

A feeling of being stuck in the endless cycle of self harm thru recalling emotions and feelings of the past...

But then,

3 butter dosas

1 great filter coffee 

A blissful but uncomfortable bike ride amidst the night fog 

Reaching the destination,

And the massive property all to myself in such a season of Holidays!!

God's way of compensating?

--

I know I was deeply irritated and bitter, held grudges on people who shouldn't matter to me at all, anymore! More than that, the shame I carry for trusting the Untrustworthy and feeling it over an again thru the cracks of of self doubt, voices of the world...

It's weired how deeply this is rooted in me now...and how every arena of my life is getting inflicted with it only for me to become aware of its hurt and harm; towards the very end....

How, things or episodes or events that aren't related start to get tarnished with such sabotaging feelings and thoughts and questions (unanswered)...I feel pukish even at the thought of the past and looks like more than a memory the past, it became a trauma.

Anyways...the day is almost over...and I wanted to make peace with this version of me....still trying hard to sail in the boat of my life and I trust I will be able to make it to my destination...the one, where I truly belong.🙏🤞