Why do I write?

I asked myself why do I write?

I was blank for a minute because I never thought about myself in seperation from writing, it was always a part of who I am.

And then, the next moment a platheora of reasons, beliefs, emotions associated with writing started to emerge.

But when the thoughts and feelings settled, I was embracing momentary quietness from all the surrounding beliefs and observations...I was then sitting with myself just me and me alone.

It occured to me then, to reflect on the outcomes of such writing....how does it make me feel, is there anything it improves in my life, in any way? Is it some sort of image I hold about myself? Or is it an escape?...

To be honest, the writing helps me go deeper into the deepest of my emotions and feelings. Comb my thoughts, gain perspective. And I know my 'kalam'( कलम/ pen/ nib) will not lie nor mask...it will unveil anything that I personally in my waking life would want to hide away from or avoid.

At the same time, growing up, writing has only been the tool or support that I had around me and for me...one that is free and always available. Probably writing was also my only solace and hope....that kept me alive when I knew I wouldn't be understood or would be suppressed for my unexplainable feelings, emotions or callings...

Writing to me, was and is the only anchor in the transient nature of the world inside and around me.

It keeps me busy, it doesn't demand anything except for the willingness and time on my part. But always has that scope to be improvised and to be made more soulful...just like Dua (prayers).

Writing has also been my humble teacher in life .. especially for days when I would have needed someone by myside, a friend to confide in, a support to lean on, someone to console me or comfort me and help me heal. I learned that time will pass and emotionally things will change, but if we hurt anyone by our spoken intense words...the other will never be able to mend or heal. Hence, I wrote my pains, my confusions, my fears, my prayers, my gratitude, my love, my memories and my dreams....the connection grew stronger with every written word and passing days which turned to years.

Some days it was also about my life's timeline...and sometimes, it was about the intense episodes that were the building blocks in that timeline.

One thing that I thought will not revel was - I couldn't trust anyone more than my writing to be 'me'. I could only surrender to the white paper and the ink of my thoughts. Rest, I was left wondering or in blame or deep hurts whenever I got involved with people or say matters of the heart.

Anyways...yes, I do write and writing nurtures my soul.❣️✍️