I was drawn towards the glass windows, overlooking the campus. Standing there, detached from my immediate surroundings...I watched the lush green belt and the way tree leaves or tree branches swayed. The quietness of my surroundings was a catalyst for my mind to capture the breeze and it's effect in the exterior.
The vast sky and then the glass wall between me and that near-far reality. I asked myself, reflecting at the shadow work I did a few days back...I pondered ...If I am lying anything to myself over and again? Have I really attended to the deep yearnings of my soul? Is my current situation pushing me hard to define who I am outside work?...or is it the time to really create the dream life?
Because that effortless swaying of those leaves took my breath away and I wanted to just be out there... forever...I was reminded of the words my friend had said to me - "Ruu...you are gifted with this! The way you associate with trees and life around you, the way you connect...not everyone has that and that is your unique gift"
At this moment, I am not sure where I am leading . But I am realising how I have evolved...
Yesterday, when leaving from the office, I was consumed with this job realated matix situation and was worried in my heart. And I din't want to show-up this way infront of my family ...(On a video call). I dropped all conditional settings of my mind and dialed on the group ...and It was the best decision I made. I spoke to my Aunts and brother, Mom was out for a lunch party, whereas my aunt gave me a tour of the house which is being whitewashed and this was mine and her combined project :) and we did it!!. Seeing my excitement, my aunt said you should come down..I said I am on my toes!
This reminded me of the other side of the coin of my life...where things are slow but moving...we are finally Getting the HOUSE PAINTED!! 🙏💝✍️
After my late night call, I realised how such pain and stress has become a habit and I had to push myself hard to break away... to invest my time and being for people who (probably I do not associate much with, but) were there and are there in the thick and thin of mine or my parents' life...I called-up my maternal aunt at 11.30 pm as it was her birthday!! And it felt good to make them feel special on their special day in this little way. My heart was at peace.
That late, I needed some activity to de-stress and I got busy cleaning the floor, mopping and then extra cleaning for the room where I decided will sleep and cut off from the outer world ....My headache and heaviness continued.
I decided to take a hot water shower and after putting my kaftan got to my floor bed and opened a window so that I could stare at the vast open sky and doze off with that impression on my mind.
Probably around 1 am ...I was at ease...
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