A phase...

And then comes this point in life when ... sitting under the moon lit night sky, I question myself what next...is there anything as next, even?

With my knees held closer to my heart, wrapped in a warm embrace and eyes allowed to pour it all all... I wished...

I wished I had a friend by my side to hear me out, to help me with my crushing thoughts, thoughts of dejection, worthless and even self doubt...

At one point I felt it's time to head back to the soil where I started from... probably also peacefully die there... amidst the land I had known since birth...

I hope, atleast 'that' I can call and feel as my own?

...Just one call, a random dicision makers and a decision had this power over me that I felt as if everything is lost...

May be that's the best that can happen...even I was looking for an avenue to figure out what next for myself and this gives me the que, the reason. 

I still don't know why the sobbing...or may be I know it...deep down in my heart's  core...

This shift would mean leaving something I had known for almost two decades, a life I had known as mine for so long, every small corner of this space, this life, every tiny thing that I built on my own...even the trust that I could weave for self -amidst all the betrayals, being called names, or ghosted...

I kept walking.... trusting self and the life...but how do I help myself to deal with this fear of loosing the only known I had built for myself or was gifted with....

Or how do I help myself to be the one by myside? One to see the end in all it's glory and accept it...and let it be...afterall who am I? 

Just another being...

Just another candidate on a spreadsheet of an employer...

Just another person in someone's life...

Just another friend... A neighbour...A tenent...A girl who have dreams, insecurities, worries...

But;

Is also an admirer of the bright shining moon