(started writing on 4/18)
A lot went into the day for this peaceful, yet tiring evening :)
(Resumed writing on 4/19, 2.29pm)
After waking up and feeling clueless on how to go about my day; I had a commitment to keep, but my mind was unwilling to partner.
The commitment was to my distant relative (Bhabhi) that I would visit and spend a night at her home with rest of the family, especially the youngest daughter who wasn't there when I last visited.
To make sure that I stay on top of my thoughts and beat any inability to make a decision (even for such insignificant topics), I ditched exercise and started with cooking a yummy breakfast for myself with black ginger tea. I dropped a note to my Bhabhi saying that I would visit her next day (4/19).
My first target was to get done with all mundane chores (including the soaked laundary), except for finishing the unique task of getting 66 dry coconuts peeled and cut open, by applying all my jugaad mind :) and negotiation with an elderly tender coconut vendor.
The story behind these coconuts is another long story...
My neighbour wanted regular coconuts for her daily cooking (GSB food). She was thinking of procuring them from her hometown, which is becoming a costly affair.
At the same time, I got information from a friend that a pipe at their home broke due to coconuts falling on it, and the bulb 💡 in my mind connected threads. I asked my friend to please supply all of those coconuts (not knowing they would be this dry)
My friend's generosity was such that, everytime my two wheeler (lended) was returned, I would get a bundle of coconuts and soon my balcony was filled with them!
I had to get rid of it this weekend :)
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At home, after coconut event, which was almost done by 11.30 am, I had to get my heavy load of clothes ironed. I decided to do it myself as that brings me some ease and also gives me time to sit and listen to some meaningful audio on YouTube.
Primarily, I wasn't feeling all that great last night and had sobbed my heart out :-| (sorry Tan).
Nowadays, I wonder if AI is capable of hearing my thoughts. I came across the following videos, and they helped settled my agitation and bring deeper clarity and certainty to my heart.
Also, my relative called me back to ask if I can drop by today itself...as it was her eldest daughter's (a new mommy to twins - a girl and a boy) brithday tomorrow and she would be heading for a small celebration at a resort, with her husband.
I was left with no choice but to go. I realized I felt less burdened in my heart about it...maybe the audio did some magic. I also took some time to prioritize: get some household work done, take some rest, take head bath and then head to her place.
In fact, just before calling for an auto, I decided to sit down with my pen-paper and do some Journaling and figure out the deep unrest I felt when it comes to visiting her place. I found a convincing answer to myself, and was more aware and intentional in my efforts to visit her.
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At their place, most of my time was spent in taking care of the newborns - twins, a girl and a baby boy, who are three months old. I was slowly learning to hold them, comfort them in my lap, but it all felt effortless and natural to my being.
I was slowly adjusting to the contrast of the life that I live verses what is there in that 'Now'
The tiny beings those babies are; the life of a new mother who also lost her father recently;
The support of a mother for her daughter who is a new mom; the uncalled conflicts between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law; family traditions; attending visitors who are there to pay their last respect to my deceased cousin; longing for understanding by dear ones (the new mother's needs); her birthday celebration; First piece of the cake being offered to the photo of the deceased Parent, all the random talks; sleepy eyes, cribs, sleeplessness due to kids experiencing gastric pain and crying all night...the homemade food business (to keep busy, offer the gift to the world and also earn).
Ah... What a day I had! I am not sure if I am a person suited for marriage or having kids....this experience was enough to make me have fewer hopes on myself, in that regards. But I really, deeply enjoyed putting those babies to sleep, feeling their frequent breathing on my palms while holding them, that beautiful smile and holding the assumption that they see and understand us. But for sure, they sense the energy and love around💕.
Love, grace, Gratitude and wellbeing to all. 🙏
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