Hugs and cuddles

 I was lying next to mum this evening, after returning from work. 

For some reason, I longed for a warm hug, one that is so pure, earthy and comforting. One where thoughts are wiped off  brain; mind and heart feel home; the whole body is at ease. And that, in my experience, happens either in deep friendships or relationships with a strong foundation of trust, and surrender.

In that moment of longing, I randomly look for hugs on Google search and found numerous sketches, animes, few with people and there beloved animals. I remembered a specific picture of a black horse and a lady hugging it. I remember, for a long time I held on to that picture on my phone, it would give me sense of ease and comfort.

Same evening, when we returned from our shopping and dinner, I wondered, as a child, who would I run to? Where was my comfort and vibes that of my tribe?

A memory of dark, fearful nights flashed...                I was a little girl of ~7 or 8 years and at night, I would sleep in the largest room i.e the living room/ hall. Some days, In middle of night, I would wakeup in panic and fear, would look for someone elderly around me and if I don't find anyone, I would sheepishly go to the next room which was my grandparent's room, it has two parallel cots and a wooden table in between. Each of those cots were half of that of queen size beds and enough for one person to be able to sleep.

I would softly nudge my grandmother in middle of her sleep, pull that long table and cling to her big round and soft belly and gesture her to accommodate me. Without a word she would tug me next to her, comfort me and put me to sleep.

A tear popped up like this buried memory from my conscience. Probably, through a hug,  I longed for that feeling of comfort, ease, peace and safety.