Last week, strolling thru instagram, a notification popped-up, it was "DNA re-patterning with Nada yogi Vibhushri Rivesh Vade".
Don't know why, but I thought I could enroll mom into. It was just two hours, the maximum my mom can focus, outside the needs of her grown-up kid's (Tea, coffee, food, Clothings, shopping etc). The idea was to introduce her with a new experience, a channel to know and welcome ease in her life and let go her restlessness. But again, I cannot take this decision on her behalf or say enforce my thoughts to her or anyone for that matter! and such stuff is meaningful only if one is open and receptive enough.
Yes, it took me bit of explanation to convince her, that it is a very nominal enrollment fee and just two hours of session. And she agreed half-heartedly. I know...I am may be becoming very mean.
Anyways, the session was about to begin at 7 pm today and I could see, starting 6:30pm , Mom getting restless. She was in a rush, to close things eg. lighting the evening lamp which we usually do at 7 pm, she wanted to finish her evening tea, etc. I had taken a deep nap this afternoon so I was well rested. At 6:33 pm she went to the veranda to read on her kindle and at 6:55 pm, I called her in as the session was about to begin and had the laptop set on the table, for her.
When she came, I told her, I will sit in the other room so that she can fully engage in the session and if there is any interactions that she may not feel comfortable to share around me, she can be free in my absence. She panicked and her face became pale as if it was some sort of exam. I assured her, nothing to worry and that I am around to clarify anything she isn't able to understand. But she was bit annoyed at me and was irritated too...this was continuing from this morning though. To some extent, I know and not (¯\_(ツ)_/¯). Moreover, she was the attendee I had enrolled, not myself and I din't feel it was ethical on my part to be hiding in the background.
Eventually, after an exchange of few harsh words, we both settled for the session and because the topic was of interest, I sat next to her listening and helping her with the Zoom tools and interactions.
Overall, we went thru a lot of history about Nada Yoga, the research work Vibhushri ji has done and various walks of life that he is trying to spread his knowledge to reach million individuals i.e. Traumatized kids, slum dwellers, via Garbh sanskars for Mothers, leaderships in corporates etc. and then he briefly talked about the four areas of one's life that one can identify patterns that are rooted from and to DNA i.e family History, Health History, Personal Challenges and Business or career challenges.
All online participants were asked to reflect and write any patterns that they identify, eg. relationships, trauma, cashflows, growth hinderance in business etc.
Mom was blank and I had to break down the problem statement for her, with few examples from what I have noticed in her life eg. her belief related to health, aging, financial shortfalls and anger associated with it etc. Since I attended the session all thru, I thought to jot down my own patterns too.
We were asked to further scan our patters with the below three Qs.
- Do we really want to change that pattern? (Y/N) (i.e. What will we gain, are we able to think of the other-side....of gains, that we will experience by this shift?)
- Since, when are we experiencing the pattern?
- On a scale of 1- 10 (1 being least), do we rate the intensity or trouble from that pattern?
I was quick to jot things as if it's my second nature :P
After, we were all done, the instructor asked us to lie-down in a comfortable position and certain bell sounds were being played. Those sounds had different impact on different people, eg. I could feel a short interval of pinching pain in my right ear which I usually experience if I am suppressing anger, then the pain moved to my head closer to my neck. The bells felt so healing and my body could feel the vibrations. Overall, it was rejuvenating. While in that bell therapy, I went thru a lot of thoughts about emotions, feelings, my own patters eg. feelings of Anger, irritation, fear, resentment, lack and desperation for validation, overthinking, childhood traumas and how at different arenas of my life it would show up, I thought about mom and had a deep sense of gratitude that she at-least continued with the session and not walk away as she would do with me, at times when we are in a conversation.
At last, there was some promotion about another detailed course being offered at a discount and QnA from the participants. Since, I wanted to come clean, I informed the organizers that along with my mom, I was there behind the screen and that I would pay for +1. That also urged me to feel eligible to ask about one particular pattern that I have been trying to find root cause for and raised my hand.
Early in the session, we were told that Vibhushriji can pick roots of any pattern from the voice of the person too and I somewhere had faith in it.
My Qs was - Though I am immensely blessed financially and in many aspects of my life, why is it that I have been coming across people who are in dire need of money? I am not against any support I can extend towards them, but I am uncomfortable with me getting emotionally involved in the other person's journey and it drains me, what do you think could be my root case for this problem?
Answer from Vibhishri ji - This has become your emotion, more like your heartbeat and it comes from the emotions from your mother's womb. At the time she was carrying you, you do not know what they would have experienced but because you feel other's feelings it is woven in your rhythm of heartbeat.
Why are we taking about heart here?...we intended to tackle DNA..isn't it? heart is for emotions and emotions are frequency and frequency works with the deeper DNA level. He asked me if I am from Chennai and I said no, from BLR.
I was mind blown with his response and at the same-time, it lifted a huge baggage of guilt and self-doubt that I would have carried all thru for knowing about and everyday peeling the layers of mother's trauma and how it shows-up for me and the conflicting emotions I would deal with one as someone a victim and another who loves her mother and doesn't want to think or feel bitter against her, but it gets tougher and tougher.
I thanked him. And acknowledged - how spot-on his response was! and that, I had recently learned about mother's trauma too. For which he said, yes, these are all chains of patterns, one generation experiencing it and carrying it forward to another and someone has to break those chains consciously by working on ourselves because we do not know what the previous generation have had experienced or dealt with.
--
Mom was around and overheard the answer. She thought, I am complaining about her to them etc. But, with intention to not leave any space for mis-understandings, I later took her thru the whole insight about my question (I had asked in english) for which her emphasis and response was - Yes, you will have to correct it for yourself (by working on it) and it is normal that a child can take-up emotions of mothers, from her womb.
I din't know what to say, I became detached and felt that I am scratching my wound more and more with my own expectations.
--
(Reminder to self - ✍ 💝 Carryon, with a little more gentleness and love, Tanu. Brrrreeeeathhhhh.....🫂)
No comments:
Post a Comment