Wokeup in middle of my sleep at around 1.45 am IST and I was reminded of my call conversation with Dad, from previous day noon.
I had called him to discuss about his Bangalore visit, possible knee healing thru ayurvedic treatment and sometime together.
I remembered, our discussion got shifted to the new farm project he is busy with, vermi compost beds, investments and finances etc and one of his words rang in my ears in those wee hours - "I got my payment from the recent sale of crop and I do have an excess of 35000 INR and if you need I will transfer it to you."
Because it was in the quite hours of midnight, I felt my emotions amplified, I wept unconsciously and tried hard to control myself. What hit me the most was the knowledge that my Dad would have never have had a regular income or a sort of paycheck similar to mine (in value) and for him this small amount is of paramount value and what was more touching was his humility and generous offer.
One part of my heart was gleefully happy to feel that safety net shielded by Dad's wings and the other was immensely heavy to just imagine what his journey could have been with two kids to takecare off, a demanding wife who comes from an affluent family, a joint family etc, the emotional load that he would have born at the end of every month when his or his family's needs would not be met (financially). I am not exactly sure what tore me apart that night....guilt and regret for being in a previledged position, financially; or just the experience of the depth of his troubles that he would have fought alone...
"Dear Papa, My Love and Prayers for your wellbeing and ease🙏"
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