I walked into office cafeteria for breakfast and while I was serving, the chef on duty walked up to me and we started casually chatting about things.
After the general chit-chat, he inform me that at lunch same cafeteria has a special arrangement on occasion of Mother's day (which was being celebrated today)... And he also wish me "happy mothers day". In my confused state of mind - speculating if today 8th of May is mother's day or it's few days down the line and also wondering why the chef felt like wishing me mother's day?
Two things struck my heart at that moment. One- while serving food and talking with Chef, I generally enquired if he is planning any vacation anytime soon?...to which responded that he will be visiting his home town on his mother's death anniversary, which is nearing. Hearing his response left me numb for a micro second and just than a few other old colleague from my ex-team walked in and started chit-chatting. I had to say bye to the chef and headed to my breakfast table.
While eating, I started to wonder how can just one day make any justice to the role of a 'mother'. It is that girl's whole life which turns upside down as she embrace motherhood (not denying any part of all shoutout worthy father's on this journey and partnership). And then my thoughts drifted off to the life my mom would have had before having me as her first kid.
Totally absorbed in my thoughts I forgot that the celebration in office is predated and I went ahead and wished my mom 1.1 and aunts on the family chat group. In my attempt to tease mom, I also shared a funny video of her and me where she is applying facial cream to me a bit forcibly but we both were having fun! And I had tagged her saying 'I will always remember this torture 😂'. But that annoyed her and she sent an audio response, warning me in a stern tone...."Hadn't I told you not to share such videos on groups ever?!"
That audio sent a chill across my spine alerting it of harm...and it reminded me of my childhood traumas etc. Now that I am bit aware, I sat with my emotion and just acknowledged it. I forgave myself and my mom for it not being her fault or even if she is struggling with a poor self-image. I wished her well in my heart and thoughts. But deep down...in some tiny-whiny corner of my heart I yearned for her love....her understanding...of her acceptance of me as a child....but possibly that's not for me yet and I am ok.
Then as I wrapped my office for the day (a bit early) I called her and texted her...felt as if she is avoiding my calls and ignoring and I let her as I too am helpless when it comes to helping her of such situation. Then after a while she sends me a pic of a baby bird that Came in our home garden and my heart was in it's most joyous mode. She asked which bird is it..and my most sincere answer was - Probably the one I have been searching from my childhood..My lost friend. (Remembering a childhood pic of mine with a pet parrot sitting on my shoulder) but she thought I am kidding and again asked (little strictly) to check and let her know. I searched online and it was a budgies...one from parakeet family. Just knowing that a bird felt so safe to land at my hometown and in my home gardens where I use to spend my childhood days playing in mud and among the trees and plants for hours, lifted my spirits. Mom had offered some chapati pieces and water. She herself was amazed with the ease of that bird and that she was eating effortlessly. And to me it was a magic to feel my Mom's love through that birds visit.
Indeed God has a wonderful way in which it speaks and soothes ones soul. I feel blessed. I shared that Bird pic on my status and titled it as ' mere ghar aayi ek nanhi Pari' and those were my truest feelings for that beautiful baby bird💞
Mother's Day turned happy!
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