I thought, I have come a long way in my emotional healing journey....but I forgot to factor-in the external dependency on the relationships and their equations with me. The individual timelines, on respective journeys of life too...
Not knowing that healing isn't linear..
Some nights I had my emotions steaming into words, revealing my deepest cry....
Whereas, some days, my heart get's scratched at the slightest of words, dealing with the complex nature of gestures, complete ignorance or absence of emotional understanding between words and gestures exchanged.
I long and continue to long...
And the deep longing insists me to ask myself...what is it that I signed-up for? why am I knowingly unknowingly encouraging the duality...? Why is it so difficult to breath easy and let go? Why I end up clinging to what one shouldn't....
The duality in relationships, the feelings I feel but can't express or feelings i feel pressured with...due to the weight of expectations of other..(Not anyone else, but self), why mostly the celestial presence brings solace and comforts me in this realm and none of those connections I am associated to.
What was it that guided me at such an early age to seek support of written words and be observant of any bitterness or resentment bottling up...
Did I even succeed in anyway or is it the other way and I am just at the same point I had started from, decades ago...?
Who can help me understand this all? Who can be my accountability buddy? Who would handhold me and be my assurance in this journey? With whom can I be me... without the thought of questions of it being ligit ...
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