I have been avoiding writing about this event that pulled my attention inwardly, on the lack of sensitivity for tiny living beings.
Growing up, in a joint family setup, I have had the privilege of absorbing (mostly unconsciously) some certain religious beliefs and customs, including ways in which one love and live life with the ecosystem around.
For instance, my grandmother was extremely loving, jovial and deeply understanding. She was very devoted to clean surroundings and I have seen how Diwali cleaning would literally mean deep cleaning; with every nook and corner of a household of 13 members being looked at. The biggest and longest project would be kitchen. Though it meant grueling times for my Mom and aunts, it was the most fun exercise for me.
Among other kids, being the closest one to Grandmother, I was also her right hand. I can say our vibes matched :). I would be the helping hand for tasks that needs some acrobatic (or say Monkey :P) skills like climbing the wooden stool, mopping the fan with a piece of discarded sock worn over a wooden brush with bristles (usually used to clean bedsheets), or to clean any top shelves, a showcase or even the top surface of a cabinet like wooden temple mounted on a wall. With the showcase, it was like a Pandora's box. If we stumbled upon any long-lost item or a forgotten one, there would be numerous stories that would pour out from recalling those episodes
I used to thoroughly enjoyed it all and the feeling of accomplishment after seeing my Grandmother's happy face was out of this world. Well...that was about Diwali cleaning.
There is another event I recall about the eldest of my Aunt who was deeply devoted and followed all the Jain rituals with discipline and she would do daily Pratikaman which is supposed to be done twice a day. And I would observe her dedication and devotion...and use to think she probably got it from her parents. I had met them and they were the most simplest of all yet the kindest.
My eldest Aunt, she is and the most disciplined and detached but extremely adjusting in her nature and also the most considerate among all the other ladies in the house. With all the knowledge that she would share with me, I always felt there are very few people who understood her...but felt she was blessed to have the most loving and caring Husband (my Bade papa). I recall from my childhood that whenever she would sit to do the Pratikaman, before putting the mat on the floor, she would makesure to sweep the floor with a white soft wool broom with a small loop handle. This was done to avoid harming any tiny insects.
Also, growing-up I have seen how we would never hurt any mice or any other insects like lizard or cockroaches but we would rather capture them and release them in the open grounds...far away from the home.
What nudged me to write blogpost was - this incident that took place three days back. At my BLR residence, I was in the kitchen making me some snacks (got hungry after my commute from office). From my kitchen, what I saw was an active black patch on the opposite wall, the one next to main entrance door of the house. The instant feeling was that of ugh! :(
With a knife in my one hand and broomstick in the other, I rushed closer to find that there is a whole colony of tiny humble black ants..each holding a white tiny cotton ellipse-like ball with it....but out of anger or disgust, I thought brushing them with broom would be the best and I can straight away land them out of my home in one powerful broom stroke and that's what I did! the next moment I realized, I was such a fool to have thought they would be obedient and will go as per my plan! rather, half of them landed on my foot!!
And then what, the next moment I stomped on some of them in my effort to shoo them away from over my foot, but all in vane. The rest of them have already sensed the panic and the whole colony was all over the floor of my living room. I was heart broken coz I never intended to hurt them but I couldn't control my irritation and felt disgusted about me. My neighbor was around and her sister said...just put some sugar or rice grains and they will disappear in few mins. This was the exact moment I was nostalgic, (remembering something similar growing-up and we would add wheat flour and not hurt a single insect), I was sad and teary eyed for killing some of those innocent insects and their babies, I was disgusted with myself for making a mountain out of an anthill (read - molehill). And I questioned myself, how this rushed-up life has changed me to be less sensitive :(.
I pray for those tiny life which were lost that day...May God bless their soul and bless me with compassion to be a little gentler in general with self and others.
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