A small note to self - Under the Title - A million things to be grateful for..., there will be series of posts for next 10 days, about one thing that made my day, made me happy or which kindled the gratitude element in me :)
DAY 1 | 8th Feb 2022
Received the below greeting from Padma Aunty. She is the mother of my very first 'Bridal Mehandi' client. It made me reflect on the wealth of relationships, how we meet people from different walks of life, connect and leave a part of ourselves with them and the love lingers on...
Her message deeply touched me and I counted on my blessings that how someone thinks of me or remembers me. I am deeply grateful. <3
DAY 2 | 9th Feb 2022
For a large part of the day I din't have my answer and also the day felt a bit lifeless, lazy, etc...
Araz Tujhe, Karde Mujhe, Mujhse Hi Riha
In the evening I went to a nearby park to meet a friend and take a walk. After a while, we sat in a bench under a tree and were busy in our conversations/ fights/ laughter etc and there came a gentle breeze and all the dried leaves of the tree started to fall....a few of them fall on me and I loved that feel, the gentle touch of leaves on my head....As if showers of blessings send from above...<3
--💜--
I am also thankful for my neighbour (Reshma Fry). She was at my home during late evening and was sharing how she feels that now-a-days her husband's behaviour and choices are so similar to that of mine...be it his choices of food, the way he expresses or guides her etc....and I laughed my heart out saying...yeah...may be you wished a Ruchika in one of your earlier births and in this life you now have many - In all genders and partnerships :).
What I cherish and feel happy about is the lightheartedness of the conversations and her innocence.....and absolute no filter comments !
and as I am at the end of my post....I hear a knock at the door...(guess who :D?)
DAY 3 | 10th Feb 2022
So....a lot can happen in life in the blink of an eye. Such was my day and I am still trying to come to terms with. I feel a bit disoriented yet something is keeping me afloat. A weird emptiness has surfaced due to the series of events that took place today or in diff. areas of my life....all at once :)...well, by now I should have gotten used-to of it..but I am a buffalo skin in this matter. :-|
Anyways, I am happy and glad to be back here. So called 'my space' where my soul can breath (I know technically it's incorrect, but thats the limitation of my brain at this very moment :P)
Already, having a topic in mind about - a million things to be grateful for but my mind is wandering between the blog's name...and how it stands so true to me till date. My eyes are all dried-up, tired, sleepy and I told myself what if today is your last post..and I jump on to my laptop to jot this down. At this moment my thoughts are oscillating between the lyrics of the songs & events of the day.....it soothes me...though the eyes just let the fountain flow....
allallaahu Alayhi Wasallam, Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam
O Mujhpe Karam Sarkar Tera
Araz Tujhe, Karde Mujhe, Mujhse Hi Riha
Ab Mujhko Bhi Ho, Deedaar Mera
Karde Mujhe, Mujhse Hi Riha
Mujhse Hi Rihaaaaaaaa
Mann Ke Mere Ye Bharam
Kachche Mere Ye Karam
Leke Chale Hai Kahaan
Main Toh Jaanoon Hi Na
Tu Hai Mujh Mein Samaya,
Kahaan Leke Mujhe Aaya
Main Hoon Tujh Mein Samaya,
Tere Peeche Chala Aaya
Tera Hi Main Ek Saaya
Tune Mujhko Banaya
Main Toh Jag Ko Na Bhaaya
Tune Gale Se Lagaya
Ab Tu Hi Hai Khudaya
Sach Tu Hi Hai Khudaya
For a moment I thought I should delete all this but I then tell myself, 20Yrs down the line...won't I want to reflect at my days and happenings to assure myself that I survived, I was loved and I was looked after by the Supreme, above us all <3
So, in the interest of time ....
One thing that I felt happiest about is when I was walking past a big tree and saw this old lady (Daadi) so dedicatedly collecting something. I looked-up at the tree to see if it was fruit bearing one. Then I saw the old lady and realised she had a carry-bag full of some lightweight dry-leaf like structure. I went near her and asked what is she doing?. She replied, "I am collecting seeds to make saplings".
I asked her if she has a farm of her own?...she said no, at Lalbagh they take the seeds and pay these collectors a small token. I was so touched. Loved that my dream or wish of having a greener earth was taking shape in its own beautiful way. The old lady seemed to be so calm and composed and I was sure that the seeds were in safe and blessed hands. In my heart, I thanked God for full-filling most of my wishes with such tenderness.
I couldn't resist and gave that Daadi a small amount and told her to plant a few trees in my name. She seemed to be dumbstruck and didn't utter a word for few secs and I hugged her tightly. My heart felt light, My whole being felt a bit elated and in that moment nothing else mattered.
I ask myself have I got lost in the madness of this world?
--💜--
DAY 4 | 11th Feb 2022
A self promise to blog each day for 10 days - say vent or just get back to this space and more importantly with a grateful heart.
There is something magical about written words which pulled me each day to fulfil this promise ...irrespective how my day had been or what I am feeling or if, I even have the energy to think (read 'overthink'...all over again)!
And since, there is a condition to look for just one thing in a day what I am thankful for...my mind gets into a race...race to win this challenge and look for that precise signal from heart which says 'Yes' this is it! the moment, the memory, the feeling, which lifted my spirits...where all the confusions or happenings of the day started to make sense. One such day was today! The whole day I was living like a zombie...living aimlessly, forcing myself to be that bright me but something was aloof. My friend did everything to cheer me up but I was sort of dead. But the thought of this promise stayed...seeking.
So my friends (couple) were flying to their home (Delhi) today and I had to visit them as they may return only after a couple months. While they were packing, they asked me to carry my plants which I had handed-over to them during the 1st lockdown (~1.5 Yrs back). I got them all and left it in my balcony and totally forgot about it and went back to my gloomy state of being but later started to divert myself with online shopping for Mom's birthday (12 feb).
Almost after dinner, while cleaning the dishes, I remembered about them and feared that I might stomp on them if I leave them in balcony. I got them in and washed them, one of them was lacking soil and was looking lifeless, they all needed a wash. I stole a bit of mud from my owner aunt's pot and got it for them.
While giving them a bath, I was thinking about today's blog post and thought what if I write about Mom, pics started to surface in my mind, my feelings started to out pour but the very essence of effortlessness was missing, something was too materialistic about all these thoughts. And then was the euphoria moment!...as if the touch of that one money plant had something magical about it. A memory flashed!...this was the same plant I had bought 2 years back when mom was visiting me and mom had loved it. And just a day before Mom's birthday it had returned back home in all its bloom, as if it had never ever been away. It almost felt like celebration, celebration of Mom's unconditional love, her devotion, her prayers being answered, her care, her innocence hidden beneath the compulsive controlling, over-all the reassurance of her being present everywhere....
I don't know if I ever express this love to mom nor will I every be able to...she is my biggest critique and someone who grounds me too. All I want to convey thru this magic of framing words - Maa, I love you and Thank you for everything. May you stay blessed, healthy and happy always!
--💜--
DAY 5 | 12th Feb 2022
Overall my day was whole in every aspect. And really din't had much to reflect upon...but something very silly made me smile and I was touched by the sheer lightheartedness of it... and it makes me wonder where was this calmness within went missing all these while...
Today, I had booked a spa at home and opted for deep tissue massage. This was my first time with it and after that session whenever anyone who knew about my schedule asked about my experience with it...all I had to say....Good that the massage therapist din't detached my limbs, packed and handed over to me, rest all was well :)
As the day passed I was feeling the pressure points that were charged up and I was now experiencing my muscles talking :)...it was all paining....and I couldn't just point to any one part of my body. Meanwhile, during a intriguing Netflix show I happened to softly massage my right-side glutes to relive the pain and suddenly noticed that a area of my thighs seems to have a dent when I press with a little pressure and my immediate thought was - Did the muscle went missing?🤣🤣
I checked twice & was silently giggling at myself.
And today is half century for this saga of 10days <3
--💜--
DAY 6 | 13th Feb 2022
I am writing this in a rush as it is already 11:59pm and soon the date will change :(.
Anyways, let's get to the good part!...It is already 12:01 am and it is Valentine's Day <3...well my post is still due for 13th Feb....
My day was a rollercoaster day full of emotional outbursts, anger, frustrations, trying to make sense of all the senseless things and forcing me to get to terms with it all, make informed and objective decisions, reflect over everything, including ones that I am calling as an experience - friction between beliefs, wisdom and emotions.
Inspite of these all, I was looked after and cared for, was given my space yet I was assisted, I was accepted in all of my crankiness, I was heard and made to see a better perspective of situations and made to believe to be trusting of life.
Among this all or I should say after almost half day to it all, while I was having filter coffee at a highway restaurant ...I had this urge to have a specific peri peri flavoured chips with Hot Filter Coffee and in that search, I left half of my hot glass of filter coffee (yes, I prefer my coffee or tea to be steaming hot - No other way) at the table which was already ordered by my friend..... and went to fetch some chips from a nearby store. To my surprise, I got the exact flavour I had visioned in my mind and was kind of lifted in my spirits. Yeah, that aha moment! But when I returned to my table it was almost 15mins and my coffee got cold...not even luke warm...but C.O.L.D :(.
I din't want to waste coffee nor the money by ordering another coffee. So, I took a handful of chips and with tight lip prepared myself to take a sip of that cold coffee and since it was in a steel glass, the cold winds had made it feel like chilled coffee. The very feel of that coffee on my lips and then tongue transported me to the deja vu moment. I experienced what I can call as a 'Let go off' moment...I could feel the agony of a Hot Coffee getting cold and being left untouched by it's admirers.
I realised that the cold coffee in my glass tasted even better at that moment.
I remembered summers, where cold coffee with ice cubes, creams & presented well in fancy mugs were a treat to mind and taste buds. I realised how rigid my thinking is and was - to the notion of Hot coffee getting cold. How I hated it or rather I don't remember from where or whom I acquired that liking towards hot steaming beverages.
Possibly, I hail from north/ central part of India and it could be a culture influence.
Many layers of my perceptions and belief systems were getting skinned and I was feeling lighter.
And I thank that Coffee which made my day, took away a baggage from me and left a deep meaningful impact on me!☕️
Happy Valentines day to me and to this life! Loads of love.
--💜--
DAY 7 | 14th Feb 2022
With the ebb & flow of emotions...I have made it to the 7th day and I feel happy and at peace with myself.
I won't deny I am a bit exhausted but feels as if within me leaves another identity who is alive only to write <3. I adore and love that identity of myself.
Coming to my day - 'today'...goes without saying...it was all at ones and nothing at all.
Took a few pics this morning to arrive at a single topic for the day to jot about and infuse the juice of flowing emotions into the words but I would need more time to polish that art of being precise and selective...at-least when it comes to writing.
Let's get going...
I came across this soft cushioned hangers and was wondering ...who in the world thought of designing them? And as, it was my first time seeing something like this, I searched about it and the utility.
Seems, they avoid scrapes and scratches on delicate fabric. They also help garments maintain their shape.
Not really knowing it all before, I used it to hanged my Tee on it and was just so mesmerised by the pure thought of care behind that design, this redefined my whole experience of how I look upto my own clothes and now I was more meticulous and drawn towards its care.
This made me think, if we all had that cushioned or padded hangers as support system in life - which will help us protect from any scratches or scars of the heart. Help maintain the dignity that we all seek and want to exhibit.
And how about that we attend to everything that belongs to us or is in our 'now' with such gentleness.
I am still mesmerised and before I put the hanger back in the almirah of my brain I was to thank the designer who came-up with that design....Truly phenomenal and what a depiction of excellence at ones art.
Now, fast fwd. to my evening and a glimpse of the richness of my 'Now' - in terms of ambience and place.
I feel blessed and what more I could have ever asked for. I am deeply grateful.
May all be - blessed, cared for💝, loved and at ease.🙏
--💜--
DAY 8 | 15th Feb 2022
Today was a reflection day on relationships..
Deep & long conversations with a friend about the hidden depth of my feelings, experiences that resulted in a bit of self doubt, Aura, practicality & Pillars of a working relationship, of forgiveness etc.
It was a loaded day and as I reflect back at the day.... everything was just perfect in an order and more importantly I learned to accept the situations and make peace with myself.
At the moment I am deeply grateful for attending to this calling (of pouring it all out here) inspite of my tired eyes and mind. This is such a blessing.
For some reason the song from HYL (Heal your life session) : "Dooooors Opening Doors Closing.... I am safe it's only change" is ringing in my ears and heart feels at peace.
I feel grounded with this reality of my life - a simple empty page of this blog.
--💜--
& It's their anniversary & I love them dearly
DAY 9 | 16th Feb 2022
I am a bit treaded from the main theme of this blog. But happy that this ritual or a set tone helped me to ramp-up into fostering the habit to pour-out my thoughts.
In the afternoon, amidst tons of office work I suddenly wanted to write and just write....the flow of thoughts was so charged-up, so easy going and I smile at myself - what else have I done in my life than just think :P, it has to be easy going.
Ok..giving a chance to touch-upon the main theme of the blog...the only thought that surfaced was the view of the scintillating Full moon. Something about it helps me heal. Heal from the scars of Self inflected monotony. Since a very long time, I have been onboard with the playfulness of the clouds and the moon, There were nights I could stare at the moon and talk endlessly in my mind...feel as if my prayers are being herd and also been answered.
I am glad that something is intact - the bond between nature's superpower and the way I feel with them and for them. They are so magical that they washes away all that baggage a human life willingly or un-willingly carry.
I purposefully captured a raw pic to just share what I see...not how it makes me feel...so pure in my heart & thoughts, untouched in my experiences and enigmatic - what the bond is.
Would like to stop here, stay in this space.
DAY 10 | 17th Feb 2022 | Anarsa & the last bite
I want to sign-off this graceful time of last 10 days with a little bit of giggle, a little bit of Laughter and a lot of Love for all that I have - as people, experiences, things that bring life to my life (eg. this blog, books, songs, breeze....etc)
The one thing that touched my heart was after a season I actually was just being myself, Laughed my heart out, found my joy in the silliest of stuff and that is all that was to my evening.
Though I had developed a headache, I agreed to go for evening walk with my neighbours (Reshma & Her Husband) ...the walks helped me release the work related stress and detach from it more meaningfully. Later, I went for grocery..more specifically snacks shopping. During that time, I suddenly felt like I want to have Anarsa and we (only Reshma & Myself) extended our walk trail till the main road in search of Anarsa.
After almost twenty mins, we reached back home with a pack of Anarsa and Reshma noticed the Full Moon, shining humbly <3.
We both ran upstairs to take a look of that moon in the vastness of greyish-blue open sky. The winds were heavy and cold...but we both shared the same excitement about that experience. we both decided, we will wash hands and relish the Anarsa's upstairs under the sky and we actually did it...we also laughed at how crazy we are and who on earth would have such random cravings, desires..:D. As we both were enjoying our share of Anarsa's we spoke all the random stuff about how my food intake has increased after Rajasthan trip, how the topic of Motherhood is all around me (in my friend circle) and how that could be causing all this random behaviour, how we both actually made the mmm sound which Preity makes in the movie Salam Namaste while eating Ice-cream :D. We laughed our hearts out, when Reshma suddenly slowed her eating speed and was waiting for me to get done with the snack first so that she will get extra happiness to that last bite of the last piece of the Anarsa.
I thank God for such love and blessings & friendships in my life and around me. And I thank god for my wellbeing to be able to keep my promise 💝
There was Moon, Bats (can you see that?)....and those last bites; filled every bit with innocence, laughter, and friendships :)
--💜--
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