Solo walks (Neem & Peepal)

Solo walks when one is deeply immersed in conversing with the self...without any expectations of any response or understanding but just patiently moving...one step at a time.

Maybe this is not the time where it's conversations taking place, rather, one is tuned to the inner landscape of one's heart and is listening !

The agony, the pride, the path, the past; recall of the times where such conversations became a narration of the past and are heard in a different light. Of that of trust, journey and life's nature were it would just want to keep seeking more life...

Such rare events where the heart is at ease!

Don't know if it's the bond that it has developed while being amidst the nature or is it an escape from the clamor of human interaction...

The curiosity gets kindled in the slightest of movement ..be it the leaves rattling, water rippling or winds whispering. Each embracing my presence with it's own and I would pause. With a childlike awe and heart beat racing I would look for signs, probably, finding solutions to riddles of my mind.

And then will move forward...one step at a time.

Would encounter dogs frolicking with a freshly uprooted tender coconut sapling and about half a distance ahead, these two baby trees (my most favourite) The Peeple and Neem, standing upright, bathed in the soft glow of the dusk, shining effortlessly as if Life in it's stillness is also a Celebration....of within.

Timing

 "No wild animal has ever participated in a should. What you know to do is deeper than that"

(Pg. 31, Track Awareness from book - The lion Tracker's Guide to life)

It is a Sunday late evening, I was sipping on the last drop of my hot chocolate while reading the book with some italian instrumental music playing in the background.

As such, my day was sober... did a lot of  laundary, cooked meals, cleaned kitchen and rested a lot. In between I was getting triggered to make painting or read a book but I buried that urge or the feeling of compulsion under hours of mindless scrolling on Instagram or youtube shorts.

The scrolling ended at a post which hit like a bullet and shattered my emotions but upon checking-in with self, I knew deeply the truth of my life is known to only me and that's all that matters. 

The story or timing of certain events of my life is different and I know the whole truth (atleast that I care about). I had to take a few deep breaths to ease my being, especially on such days when one is all alone, by one self, locked up in four walls of mind and that of physicality or day dreaming or lack any motivation....

Well, few deep breaths, self check-in helped and I stepped down the pedestal of self-sabotaging or any guilt trips or resulting low self-esteem....and to reward myself, I made  a cup of yummy hot chocolate and surrendered to it 💝

Now a days, especially after a terrible heart ache due to a decision gone wrong, a time when trust was tested and failed....the pain of which erupts every now and then, the questioning it leads to, topped with deeper self awareness which again isn't easy to deal with, I find myself observing life more and more from a lense of passer-by, someone experiencing life but not involving in it much...more consciously, more willingly... probably also knowing that the threshold of hurt has been crossed a lot many times and each time deeper and deeper.

I feel numb at days and also completely disoriented. The order of events of my life are out of my understanding to comprehend or make sense off, somedays are bearable but others are way too overwhelming and I choke. I get ease with words - written or typed and that helps me keep going...

And just when I was sitting to continue my reading, the words arrived - one to heal me, bring my soul some peace and ease from the judgemental lense of the world and assurance that I am on my journey and the compass of my heart helps navigate the course...

The timing of appearance of those written words in the book worked like balm for the agitated heart and those lines above, brought all the warmth 🙏✍️