The year to shed and work on shadow

I had promised myself to journal about the shadow questions and they are so draining and gut wrenching that I cannot attend to more than three in one go...

When attending to them, I also realize how much I have been bearing in terms of hurt, painful feelings, fears, unresolved emotions, longing, shame from relationships or trust being misused, self doubt for many reasons etc. In addition,  everyday life, brings it's own share of experiences and impacts.

With year- 2024 sun-setting, me having ruminated  it a thousands of times with the memories of how the events panned-out, the good, bad or  unbearable memories of those events and in my own desire to re-define the new year 2025, to be the one ringing in to more new aspirations, to bury all that I wanted to come to terms with, leaving behind the 2024... including any rage or bitterness I hold.

In that respect, I started to dwell more and more into all sort of knowledge and resources on feelings that I struggled with, the heaviness or knot I still cannot left go off my chest, the memories of words spoken as promises and were backed-off from, which creepes up at any random isolated moment and which makes me question my own self worth...and look down upon.

Not just that, it then leads to some aspects of childhood traumas, work related unique challanges, health, age and time that is ticking or anything that is associated at emotional level is weighing heavy, adds up.

I took solace in pausing but mindfully bring some routine to ease my being, to allow myself space to be truthful to self even if that means a lot to let go off, to accept the path that life is unfolding and holding for me, to prioritise people and places that feels like I belong with them..

Thinking all this also brought forth that I am constantly consuming too much of data and overthinking information and not actually making space to be, to internalize the new knowledge, to take time to act and build a rhythm and flow into the new wholistic ritual for ease in my own being. And that screamed that I need to learn to shed...

Shed the love and grief,

Shed the need to be conventional,

Shed the safeguarding layers on my pschyce,

Shed the burden of holding the responsibility for others...be what they would feel, do or interpret of my actions.

Shed the exhaustion that I feel with such sabotaging,

Shed the fear of loosing. Be it a job, a position, time, probably a love or only one that I know off..

Shed collateral damages done to me or that I allowed into myself,

Shed that noise in the head that is addictive 

Shed the knowing that I have passed the age,

Shed not being bold to lead

Shed the masculinity that I continued to portray to safeguard the 'Feminity' of me.

Shed the fire of rage

Shed the hope of gones to come back...

Shed the shadow 

Realising the ease, grace and bliss.