The Power of written words.

How strange it is that at first, one is required to wait to feel the intensity of some emotions. To an extent that it urges one to write and while jotting the feelings, one is lead to experience the intensity of those same emotions again at various different levels...

But those written words are very powerful because they speak of becoming a Man or a women to What has gone past or is seeded for the future....

Sometimes those written words stand the test of time and are a proof of existence...of dreams, life or creative imaginations.

Whereas, sometimes it is used as a tool to explain and bring people to terms....

And, sometimes it is recorded as a complaint

And yet, sometimes it's an apology.

Indeed written words have a lot of power but not to the blind heart or a closed mind.

Adulting in an adult way 😉

Today, I found myself grateful for the healthcare benefits my employer provides. I scheduled a comprehensive health check-up, a long-overdue self-care measure. As I sat in the waiting room, a sense of gratitude washed over me. 

I wanted to extend this kindness to a dear friend who was going through a difficult time. Despite his own struggles, I encouraged him to prioritize his health and enrolled him for a check-up as well.

Well, getting back to today, we both reached the clinic crossing the huddles of getting an auto on a day or say week blessed by God of rains - Indra.

Around 8.10am, as we entered the clinic, I saw a Ganesha's wooden idol and said to my friend, let's seek blessings and I joked about the potential outcomes of the tests, trying to lighten the mood. "we never know after reports who would be crying 😂"

For a change, I wasn't as nervous as I use to be, during such lab visits, probably earlier it was always for some medical conditions and diagnosis but today it was a routine check-up and knowing the stress I have have had dealth with in the recent past, probably I knew body parameters wouldn't be same as always and I should be accepting of whatever results I get and not judge myself. And secondly, knowing my friends condition, I knew I can't complaint. 

At 8.35am, after all documentation, formalities and payments, a folder was handed to both of us and we proceeded for our individual tests. Most of the tests for him was covered via Blood samples collected and then treadmill, ECG, few abdominal scans that's all. Whereas for me, it started with Blood samples (both pre and post fasting), abdominal scans, pelvics scans, xray, lungs test (Spirometry, which I had forgotten about) and the PAP smear!

What I felt most funny about was, how all the people who were there for medi tests, including us, all were playing hide and seek ...one comes out of a room the other from another room at the same time and then someone will swap a room with someone. That way, all 5 rooms were always busy...

For my last two tests, I was informed to visit different floor in the building. While my friend was busy with his tests, I headed to level 1 so that we should be able to wrap-up fast and head back to our individual work lives 🙄.

I went in, a lady attendant escorted me to a room and then got a round stool, adjusted it's hight for me to sit near the computer screen... At that moment  something with brewing in my mind, I saw a fresh packet of some device infront of her that was labelled - Spirometry. I had no clue what that test was about and I was under the assumption that it's PAPs. The nurse told me to sit next to her and that she will explain me the procedure and I was like may be this is futuristic self-administsred version of PAPs ....

She tore the packaging of the device. Looking at the  shape of the device, with broad speaker like opening, I was convinced that I would be made to do my own PAPs test. One way it felt more comfortable as I won't be laying (nude) shamelessly infront of unknown individuals (even though they were medical professionals and girls)...

Then, the nurse said, you will have to blow into the device and she gestured from her mouth and I had creases on my forehead and I had to get it clarified - is this the same test what I am thinking of? And I was explained that it was lungs test.😂😂

Later, when she asked if I smoke....I was reassured but started to imagine - how would I perceive myself if I begin to smoke.

Now, the last was PAPs...one which I dread the most. The weird part is the unease one goes thru while answering  questions like - do you want to do this test? Are you married? And so on and so forth. But today was a bit unusual. I was only asked one question...

One of the two nurses were young girl and one was a bit elder to me and both seemed to be from Kerala. 

I was only asked if I had done this test before for which I said "yes, some time back when I was unwell and doctor suggested to get one done". But that was long ago. 

I was asked to lay down (as required for PAPs) and was asked to held my knees up, the cold metal device was being inserted and I stiffened....😭, both those nurse were in weird shock and in that pose asked me "Normal delivery na?"...I was baffled and wondered why and how it matters -how my mom delivered me??...In that awkwardness I replied, "hmmm...may be I donno." (Not realising that the question was explicitly about my own self).

In that fraction of moment my thought started to question if I am made to lay down and deliver a baby???  Have they mistook me as some other patient?

And then, the bomb was dropped, the nurses asked me if I have had kids or no..I said - NO. I felt as if I commited a crime for nor having babies or not being married but still getting PAPs done. And in that half compromised state of my mind and physicality, I was feeling as if I am someone caught shoplifting.

I chose to be kind to myself and not allow any demeaning thoughts to enter my happy state of mind.

--

As I reflect on this experience, I realize that life is a series of moments, both ordinary and extraordinary. By embracing each moment with grace and humor, we can navigate even the most challenging situations.