Shame Cycle

 (I am sorry, if the title nudged you in anyway but this is more of a 'awareness' post. So relax!. And Thank you for stopping by at this post🙏!)

As a firm believer and practitioner of Gratitude, I would like to start this post by acknowledging and expressing my deep felt gratitude for all the events that conspired in my life and people in it, who opened-up a new world of awareness and who brought the knowledge and awareness to understand myself better.

I also wanted to callout a colleague of mine who happened to introduce me to this book called HOW TO DO THE WORK (which I haven't yet read) and the YouTube channel - The Holistic Psychologist by Dr. Nicole. I got hooked to the channel and the posts continued to bring new awareness of all sorts with regards to different traumas, how it impacts one in daily lives, what it feels like, the root case etc.

One day, I came across a YT short video by Dr. Nicole and got to know about a new term called the "shame cycle" and the video resonated with me.

Meanwhile, I had also been following a Life coach named Ehsun Anwar on instagram and learned a great deal about different  behaviours, childhood traumas, Insecurities or even how one would behave as an impact of unhealed traumas. 

As the new world began to unfold in-front if me, I got more and more hooked to getting to the root of it all. And continued my research or say search on Google to find my own answers. Like that, one post lead to another and continued. 

During the past week, I was continuously looking for more info material around the topic of "Shame cycle"; what it means, how it gets imbibed in ones being, how it impacts ones social life and relationships etc and I continued to look for more information around it. 

Yesterday, I came across a podcast that covered a detailed understanding about this topic and I decided to listen to it while doing my daily chores (to be precise, washing clothes at the open terrace). A part me was also cautious and was avoiding getting overwhelmed by the depth of information that I am yet to gain and I am resonating with. Hence, the daily chores and listen. As the destiny would have it (or I designed it such) I could only gather half of what was being spoken on the audio from my phone due to the interruption from surrounding noises that of running water tap, washing clothes or other birds and kids around. I left it as it and continue with my day. 

It being weekend, today I woke up and wanted to to check one of the task as completed and the easiest and most time worthy I could find was continuing with the podcast but the twist was - I lost the link and history was overflowing with new videos around clay pottery and I hadn't saved it either. 

While searching similar new topics, my only criteria to narrow down on one was - the content should keep me engage till the end  and Viola! I stumbled upon : John Bradshaw - Healing The Shame That Binds You (Part 1) Thankfully the only thing that I clearly remembered from the previous video was a mention about this doctor's writing and here I was, with the source of this knowledge from the horse's mouth. 

I started with part 1 and went on and on until the last video which was the 5th video. And I knew my day has started on a very strong note that of - Self discovery about "Shame" and it's impact. I am still internalizing the knowledge and made me feel a bit more empowered. And what encouraged me to write this post was the pain that sense for people who are struggling but they don't know the underlining 'why" or 'what is the cause'.

My journey is no different! but I was and I am immensely Lucky to have the right people, maybe the  knowledge coming my way in mysterious and magical way at the time I needed it the most, the support system available where I could be vulnerable and the time on my hand to help me navigate to build slowly, to find my own will and comfort. 

I am not saying it is or is going to  easy! There are days when one is filled with anger, could be the harsh one to deal with in a relationship, would be extremely self critical and one who would tear-up at a slightest emotional  nudge from a song, a movie, smile of someone, A fragrance or even a word spoken or a kind gesture expressed. 

And this post it for all on the healing journey, of any kind. May grace and ease be by your side, May we be on our sides too! Know that it is more like cultivating a garden, one journal at a time, one gratitude at a time, one forgiveness at a time, one Mindful act at a time, one reflection at a time, one value at a time. It may feel like a never-ending job, sometimes our own people are involved and we may get judgement about it, but we do not want to not hurt anybody and all this may leave you all by yourself but its worth it and it is a favor we are doing to ourselves, the community in large and to the newer generations by developing more acceptance. 

Only Love and Grace 💖