The best therapy...

Late evening, today, after I had taken a hot shower, I wondered what do I do. There was a weired jitter I was experiencing and trying to fight.

Then I sat down on the yoga mat and placed a cushion too for the comfort. I have been thinking of learning more about scarcity mindset and how to heal it consciously, even knowing that it roots from the generations before me and may not completely be healed...

I watched two videos on the topic and something from those videos inspired me to declutter (one of the task for this weekend), let go of all that I haven't been using or consuming in anyway, restrict or clear all that I hoard.

In that high of being inspired, I wanted to allow and open my heart to the feeling of bliss and joy and let go all the unwanted feelings, thoughts, patterns, behaviours, experiences I am calling that aren't serving me in anyway, including even those dresses that I am holding on to (my love for pure cotton fabrics and beautiful sowing 😊). In a way, clean-up every nook and corner of my pschycial, concious and unconscious states of being and my surroundings.

I was feeling a deep sense of calm, as if a new life has been infused, a purpose to look forward to and one that resonates with me - to let go the old and welcome the new. 

I started with journaling the gratitude list which took me on a quick tour of various events, things, people, wisdom, Mother earth, her guidance, myself, my family and all the Love.

Then I wrote forgiveness. Primarily to myself for all that I go thru and suffer with and avoid or deny (the joy or abundance ...).

I began to feel a bit better and lighter in my heart, more rejuvenated. I then moved on to clear my dressing drawer, home-office table and few of those artificial jewelleries, one tyat I no longer use. 

After a great millet dinner from a nearby etary and walk back home, I started the tasks with Alexa in the background playing some soothing old Bollywood songs which later changed to bhajans🙄. Songs kept my momentum and motivation up.

While cleaning the desk, I came across an old journal from 2021 and the dreams of having seven resorts in seven different continents providing Heal Y Your Life sessions to all. It also had the theme of that year i.e. a year of Yes (commenced on 10th June 2021),

I also cleared all the MBA books that I have had latched on to, for so long, thinking I will read them one day. There was also these premium magazines  Robb Report. The magazine covered articles and beautiful pictures of luxury cars like Rolls Royce, Mansions across globe and some of those vintage bikes and watches and other luxury resort Properties and lifestyles. The pictures stood as a reminder for my vision board and for a very long time I had the Red RR pic kept at my desk to feel great about such beauty tyat exists and may someday be mine to experience ❣️🤞. I checked in my heart, if I am ok and my consciousness looked at me as said... "Already xx years old...how long will you even live to carry this extra baggage and space from your mind and surroundings?? Please let go! Make space for things that matter to you in your now - journaling, calligraphy, clay work and greeting cards! that is where you are more alive.

At once I segregated all the other stuff to discard or give away. I looked at them all like a lost beloved

who would look the other knowing this would probably be the last meet and a final goodbye.

In my heart I thanked each of these pieces i.e my lipstick, hair band, colorful hair clutches, those magazines, notpad, few immitation jewellaries etc., packed them all and made two packages, one for the raddhi vala (trash Man) and another for the vegetable vendor's daughter. 

I did want to clear of a lot of old clothes too but I wanted to be thoughtful of my own sentiments as well. Take one thing at a time and be easy....things will eventually happen and I should be in a position to make them happen with ease.

Indeed a best therepy! - clear and make space, do more of what brings Joy and ease, have grace and faith. Gratitude will flow...

A Day in 'B's: A Word Cloud Reflection

Today, if I sit down to jot different facets of emotions I feel in a day and the various events, things that surrounds or make my day, there is no better way than a 'word-cloud'!

And following are the words that forms my Day :)

Build, Books, Blue, Bored, Blank, Bank Balance, Brunch,
Busy, Bliss, Beneath, Breath, Back, Big, Blog

This morning, I wokeup feeling a bit directionless, dull or without any motivation than just to stay put in my bed. I did snooze the alarm, say by 10 mins and went back to thinking something that may make me feel calm and easy or attended to. I struggled a bit but then I looked at the journal where one of the first promiss for 2025 is Health and the first bullet point is - Meditation.

I saw time on my phone and it was 7:35 am already. I juggled to decide between a inner child healing meditation or a fifteen minutes yoga nidra (bummer- neighbour knocked in between to give me some sweet paysam). I chose the latter to welcome a bit more ease and restfulness before I attend a training session - "Build your Narrative" from work schedule, starting at 9 am. 

This helped me feel immensely recharged and connected to self. Given, I had limited time on hand, and wanted to mop the house and take shower and possibly cook breakfast; atleast on such auspicious day (some ekadashi)!. I missed my exercising routine but chose to manually mop the floor which eventually helps me with some stretching and mal-asana pose 😃. (Sometimes I laugh at myself -  thank God no one is watching. How weired a girl can be with all the makeshift plans just to make herself feels good about her own promises). 

By the time I finished mopping, it became 8:37 am and I din't want to entertain any feelings of anxiety or rush so I went to take shower and soaked all the laundary in hot water, to be attended later in the afternoon.

I got ready and logged on to the office laptop, setting it up at the kitchen slab. I was glad, atleast for this session, I was a bit prompt:)....(Note to self : All my love for being on time). Because I was in the kitchen, I remembered that I hadn't had a drop of water or my routine of warm water either. I then made myself some boiled water and squeezed a few drops of lemon and sipped while the training started. I could stay active and engaged till 10.30am and during a 5 mins break hogged a banana and some mixed melon seeds, the mind was already drifting and had a pact with tummy to finalize on the brunch menu. After I finished my two hours training, I then rescheduled and cancelled other meetings as the current wasn't there and laptop and phone was going dry on batteries. To get some sunlight and fresh air, I then went upstairs to handwash the laundry - a labour of love under the warmth of sunshine and to make use of natural dryer. The hardwork made me hungry.

I returned to my kitchen-office, cooked some gram flour chilla along with hand pounded tomato, onion chutney; made full use of motor- pestal in absence of electric grinder. And the brunch was soulful with the flavours of winter harvest. 

Soon after I felt the need to take a nap and I allowed myself sometime to scroll online posts and then at a point, just drift into a deep nap but my mind was actively engaged in  the back and forth of a certain memories, trying to find an answer, to see where did I go wrong, what still bring tears to my eyes and why my gut wrenches at times...

But then I wokeup at a certain hour and was at ease and felt well rested. I then picked my book and went to my balcony to sit and read on the day light. It was a Blissful time I spent among the books and beautiful stories and memories. I had actually thought of reading the slimmest book, gifted by a friend (also the auther) I met during my US visit in Jan of 2024. But just hugged and kissed the memories and the sweet handwritten note on it.....to spare that read for another day. May be the lingering belief and thought beneath this act was to preserve and hold on to the unread and cherish the memories for as long as I can. Yup, somethings are strangely inscrutable!

After an hour or so, I prepaired myself a hot cup of ginger, masala tea and poured it in the biggest mug I have. While sitting in my balcony, staring at the Big mug of tea; unusual for me, I like small portions of food or beverages; thinking about books, pending work, 2025 Big A## Calendar, my daily dose of learning etc, this topic for my blog surfaced and mind started to collect all that it can brew into this story of my letter-'B' day!