The feeling of being so Complete

As I am writing this I am unsure this is the feeling I am going through or if this is something I am seeking ...

The feeling of being so complete....so so complete.                    

where emotions doesn't seek any expressions,
where expressions doesn't seek any sensory actions,
where actions doesn't seek a platform,
where platform doesn't seek a stage,
where a stage doesn't seek a crowd,
where crowd doesn't mean people's gathering,
where people aren't - anyone other than me,
where other's aren't whom we 'know' and 'don't',
where knowing is - reflection of myself,
where reflection is metamorphic thoughts,
where thoughts are just ecstatic,
where ecstasy is self induced,
where self is - just so complete!

Time, Instances and Memories

Time, Instances and Memories - You must be wondering what this title is all about?

Well, this blog my personal space, a platform-cum-channel for self talk where the pure urge to write and a focused mind come together to jot down thoughts when the heart has expressions it cannot alone just feel but express.

My day was going good, relaxed... dwindling as the night was approaching. Mind, was as usual filled with thoughts. Thoughts of - a friend not being around, of missing another friend who just needs to be 'let go', about how uncertain life's events are, about Diwali holidays, about friend's Birthday, about TVF Trippling episodes :), about an old contact who pinged on whatsapp after a long time, about new born's of my x-roomies....

I would say - 'what-a- Falooda of thoughts' !!

In that urge of sharing the new Born's news I pinged another friend who was once my hostel-mate.....and all I get to hear back is - Tu Bhi kuch karle, Umr nikal rahi hai....budhi ho jaaegi (U also do something, time will slip off your hands, you are growing old). All I wanted to do was SCREAM!!! YES I KNOW :) but I took a deep breath and reminded myself to stay calm and look deeper into the source of this anger, the revolt, the disgust.

This event instantly made me feel a bit low as it conflicts with that what my heart follows and believes in and what others think is the way of life. I badly needed a Masala tea....so I had to drive to a nearby dairy to get a milk packet.

When I was stepping out from the dairy, I saw an old women on the other side of the road attempting to cross the road but was scared of speedy vehicles which kept the road busy. I couldn't hold myself and crossed the road to help her. This very moment released my heart of the emotional baggage...I felt elated. I thanked that supreme energy that surrounds me, molds events such like this and overlooks upon on me for my happiness - The very moment.

Back home, after a good cup of Hot Masala tea, I was thinking about Time, Instances and Memories.

And with a light heart and a clear mind I could remember all that I have written below:

Acceptance
Had heard or read this somewhere that whatever 'happens' we must know some point in life we would have asked for it and it is granted to us. Acceptance resolves half of the problem.

Promise to the self - In 'Now' and 'Then' I choose to be Happy
Similarly,  there are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. ~Laurell K. Hamilton and  I know I am still recovering from one. I am working on to be more kind and loving to myself, to be so happy and contented in my own company and to live upto that one promise I made to myself - In 'now' and 'then' I choose to be happy!

Memories 
Eventually everything becomes a Memory and a few purest of it travels a lifetime. Make sure that the heart is without any selfish interest so that we have more memories that travels along, once that makes us smile, brings twinkle in our eyes, resides in that one humm of a song, surfaces with that one fragrance, that one ambiance, that one moment!

At this moment when I have poured it all out, would like to share what I feel - Time can be difficult but we have the power to chose to react or respond. Instances can be disappointing but we have a choice to look for the light. And for Memories are the special events that tell our Story....Be there in the now!

जब जाता अपना कोई दूर

एक-टक राह तकते...

हर आहट  को तुम्हारे आने का संकेत समझते। 

एक तरफ गहरी चोट खाये... 

दूसरी तरफ, बिछड़ने का दुःख दिल को लगाए।

वैसे तो 'फैसलों' से एक दूरी रखते... 

पर नादान ये दिल  समझे न - ये दरिया, ये फासले, ये नफरत, ये झगड़े। 

ख़यालों के उलझ से गए धागे...

कतराती साँस भी मन भारी कर जाती। 

,अनजान दर्द के इस सैलाब से...

राह तकती अखियां भी, पलकें मूँद 

झलका देती वो आखरी बूँद।  

फिर भर आती अखियां, जब जाता कोई अपना; अपने से दूर। 

(24th July 2016)

Painting - Balanced LIFE

Design Inspired By LIFE - Four letters, four elements.

A Balanced Life is a Beautiful and a complete life.
Red and Black are two extremes when it come to expressing feelings (Red = Passionate color often used to express love and Black as the darker side of emotions i.e Sadness, pain, grief etc) where as White comprises of all the 7 colors of a rainbow. 

Four Elements - Love, Harmony, Peace and Happiness

1. Love - Denoted by a heart attached to a string swinging between the space of two hands. I feel Love is always a constant two way emotion...held carefully and delicately between two entities and never too close nor too far; with just the right balance. One give the other receives and visa-versa.

The panel is red that denotes extreme passion but if the heart is closed and filled with the darker emotion....surroundings doesn't matter or is equally true for the reverse side.

2. Harmony within; in once heart, makes the dullest of the times pass....It, in itself is as complete as white light (7colors)...as complete as a soothing music in the dark...

3. Peace or tranquility which I feel is a inside-out feeling. If the heart feel distressed no amount of Love around helps.

4. Happiness a feeling of fulfillment. A kind of attainment where every single cell of body feels at Bliss and Joyous. The lady (in my view) symbolizes that she is complete in herself just as the white light.

मैं टुकड़ा एक रेत सा

आसमान की चादर तले,
मैं टुकड़ा रेत सा...
आँखे खुली तो नज़राना था..
नीचे हम; और सारा ज़माना था।

नज़रों के सामने बेफिक्र अफ़साना(कहानी) था।
सुनहरी धुप का शामियाना था,
रंग बदलती चादर...आँखों का पैमाना (नाप) था।
चिड़ियों का आना जाना था।

धड़कनो को गिनता मैं एक-सा...
आसमान की चादर तले,
मैं टुकड़ा रेत सा...

यूँ तो मैं ज़र्रा हूँ ....२
ईमारत में एक ईट सा
या ढलते समय के बीच का

आसमान की चादर तले,
मैं टुकड़ा रेत सा...

गहराईयाँ

गहराईयाँ

समंदर का अस्तित्व 
झीलों का एहसास
वादियों की गूँज 
इंसान की बुनियाद
रिश्तो का साज़
ख्वाबों की जीवन्ता 

सोच का दर्पण
शालीनता की खुशबु 
ममता की मिसाल


सादगी की प्रेरणा
इश्क़ का जूनून
तन्हाई का शोर
इरादों की नेकता

गहराइयाँ - इनसे है सतह और सतह से किनारे ।

Enough Blessed Day - A 'Balanced' Day

11:40 am

This started when the thoughts were crossing my mind with lightening speed. To and fro, back and forth....clearing doubts and doubting the next ....all this happened when I thought I was taking a power nap!, I gave up and logged-in to my system and started writing ...

And added this to my sticky notes - 'Blog about anything and everything- everyday' (an instant grin appeared)

When I was napping, the seed thought came and to my wonder it was soon a Tree.

Here is how the sprouting happened...

My mind quickly jumped to a SMS I had received this morning, which said "May you be blessed with loads of good stable *emotion". In support if this the mind remembered I was talking to this friend (yesterday) and happen to share that - today I am feeling at peace with myself...all my elementary emotions are in harmony ...i don't feel jittery or rushing at something or the other.

My friend has asked - as in? (and I went into a trance...)

I explained to myself  - like my heart is so calm, no worries of future, no baggage's of past, no expectation of what next...I was happy by - just being. Could be because I could do a sketch today (which I had left behind long back).

 I did some henna design practice which I thought is long forgotten and now my brain dislikes it.

To my surprise, every stroke of pencil, every stoke of henna that I was practicing; though repetitive in nature - It made me feel as if I am leaving behind the unwanted, I am unwrapping the layers of thoughts I had trapped myself with ....thought started to flow freely...and the hurrah! moment comes when you know you are one hundred percent right - The design starts to sink-in with immense harmony and elegance. As it was being formed I was leaving behind the myths and self imposed restrictions. I realized, how I was giving excuses to myself, every-time, by justifying the thought and asking myself - why am I even doing this when no one is going to appreciate, I will not be able to perform this when needed, but then my rational mind gave space to the heart and it understood that - the beauty of few traits lies in it's existence and nothing else. And so is true with - relations.

Hence, I concluded the weekend was indeed a enough blessed one - A balanced one!

My curiosity wanted to dwell on more about what it takes to have a so called 'enough blessed day or balanced emotions? and again I started to take a deep dive in my days - gone-by.

I recollected - 

1. Speaking to my elder brother (family)and sharing what is bothering me everyday and also how I wonder that the vision board is working for me when I see that - I had written 'Buy a Bike with 30,000 INR down payment and easy installments' and it actually happened just ditto!. Though he responded in a voice of his experiences - gained from his life events, all I could hear was answers to my broken soul which soothed the uneasiness. 

2. Talking to a friend's friend who is much experienced/ elder to me. Stating as to what I have been upto...and in that conversation one statement made me feel as I was shot by an arrow; that was - 'You somewhere have to learn to let go things/ people and cherish what you have in your enough blessed world'. Though I knew this, I was kind-of avoiding to accept it, somewhere I was scared. But after this call I realized - Life is indeed a lesson. Every moment is a new beginning.

3. Getting into a soul digging conversation with a close friend. One, who is there for you without any  judgment and who lets you speak your heart out. Even if it is about that one person himself/ herself (The toughest thing to be. - According to me). The effect of this can be that you collapse, sob and sob to an extent that you feel your facial cells are begging...please stop now, eyes become so puffy and resembles that of me with a sleepy pumpkin stiing in a chair :P

4. Just giving it a try again. It can be something as simple as drawing a straight line, starting a half-read book again.

5. Wonder. Wonder at the Life's events...how it unfolds and blooms, how you can just connect the dots looking back at them.

6. Forgive the self and forgive others. Hold no grudges - remember it's a fight within you, your true self...rise above by filling pure love each time you face it.

and here I add another blessing to my enough Blessed day by completing a new Blog :) 

and to reveal that - *e was not there in the SMS and it was a teaser from the friend blessing me with balanced motion :-|.  

But I continued to write...:)

Have a enough Blessed Day - A Balanced day !

12:54pm