Where am I with my holiday wishlist?

(on Bus, BPF to IDR)

I am nearing end of my Diwali holidays and it's also the time to review the wishlist and see if I have made any progress :)

Just to remind myself, the list was also with the intention to prioritise happiness 😌 

1. A family road trip to Rajasthan or train trip to Goa.

Nope. I guess I was too ambitious. Well, what took place instead was - Family gathering for my birthday, Visit to Aunty's Family, Train trip to Nani's place (mom and me), Dhaba dinner with Maternal Family and much needed home-made beaten coffee by a bro and with brothers ❣️✍️. (may be a small bit where I could let go discipline of sleeping early, not having any beverages late at night etc and just flow with ease and cherish my coffee which was just awesome)

2. Painting mandala with all family members.

Nope. But we did do a lot of Diwali Rangoli and decorations, we engaged in warli wall art and we did some snacks prep for Diwali, and that includes a bit of creativity too :).

(Hand drawn sketch from Papa on my birthday)

3. Introduction to muscle building exercises for elderly (online course)

Yup, partially successful. Ordered stretch bands and resistance tube along with pedal cycle for all elderly to get into routine of exercise. Let's see how far it goes 

4. Indulge in Self love & care

 - Complete reading Wayne dyre: your erroneous zone.

Only could read one chapter.

- make water colour painting.

Did only wall paintings and Rangoli

- buy AK Ramajunam's Folktales from India 🍁✍️

Successfully completed.

++ I took this day today to cut short my visit at Maternal uncle's family and head IDR to meet with few of my friends, cousins and family of one of my uncle. This will be the last day of my time away from work.

When I ask myself how am I feeling at this very moment? my answer is :

Numb. Sleepy and Hungry.

The different lifestyles I get to live and see with my own extended families makes me feel a little overwhelmed. The setup of families where they are together but not emotionally free or may be I over indulge and read too much between lines but I had to be true to myself that seeing it all disturbed me and continue to disturb me. 

The expectations, show-off or the pressure to put a happy face all the time hurts me.

Anyways, I trust everyone's journey of life is their own and possibly the best for them. I need to tell myself that there is nothing wrong in choosing a path that is a bit different or completely different than the usual for all and if I do not vibe with my own tribe. Tanu, it's all ok. Probably you bring a fresh perspective of the world to them so do not feel ashamed or at a fault, you are doing the best you can and being the best. (💕)

Sleepy...Yup, slept late and woke up early and stressed.

Hungry... Could take tea and snacks before leaving home as it was way too early in the morning & a bus journey ahead. Let's hope the bus stops for breakfast :)

Blessed to be called as their's

Yup, it took me little longer to internalize all that took place on 3rd Nov.... no, I am not yet there in it's totality.

Mum had planned a lunch at home and invited my late Grand father's brother, his wife, their son and daughter-in-law. This set of grandparents, with them, I had the most fond memories of my childhood - Gardening with home-made tools, playing in the soil without any restrictions, going to "Tagor park" with grand-dad,  Helping my granny with vegetable chopping and without any apprehensions, asking her all that bothered me or which my tiny brain couldn't decipher.

Everyone was so excited about the gathering/ lunch and the morning hours were rushed to make arrangements, get the food ready, dusting house etc. 

That day, my eldest uncle gave me a rose from his garden and later a silver coin. He loves kids and he is one of the members in family I feel deeply connected to. Aunt woke me up with a kiss on my cheeks ...(frankly, I am not accustomed to such greetings and felt a bit awkward, but I respect her gesture and love).

My day was filled with showers of love. 

Dad was back from farm to attend the party and I din't realise how much that meant to me until I blurted out " oh! papa is coming?"; when mom was sharing who all will be around.

I am not sure if I could really feel a part of it all or was involved emotionally, but now that I am in train, a bit distant from them all...it makes me think, how blessed I am. How much they all love me, and I am glad that my birthday became the reason for them all to come together, have some meaningful conversations, build bridges that were emotionally burnt with a few members, laugh and just be. 

In the evening, I had a chance to visit one of my Aunt's paternal family too.

Then next day, my parent's Punjabi friend wanted to treat us for my birthday....(Sometimes I love this belonging in small towns where hearts are open to all and caring)

Amidst all, I continued to stick to my yoga and meditation routine and self reflection. One thing that made me the most happy was - a whatsapp post by my sis (the pic - me and her daughter) + the new book.

I know I wasn't there at that moment but probably someday my heart will be greatful for each one of their presence in my life and love 🙏❣️✍️.

Thank you Maa & Papa.