Ek yaar, usdi Yaariyan 🤗💕

(The actual idea conception for this blog took place on June 28, 2025.)

I took the third-last aisle seat in the Vayu Vajra 5A airport bus from BIA, around 5 p.m. I settled into my seat with folded legs, covering my face and ears with my scarf to avoid the direct cool air from the AC vent, right over my head.

I closed my eyes and began to feel the emotions, especially pausing and reflecting on all that had taken place in the last three days and a few weeks prior—how certain dreams came to fruition and how I managed the planning so well, all on my own, by seeking help from known contacts and making new friends.

So, what I'm talking about is the Amritsar Golden Temple visit, which was right after a business offsite in Gurgaon—a day and a half-day trip.
The last few hours I spent in Amritsar were all about Seva (cleaning used water bowls), taking parikrama thrice around the temple, sitting with my feet dipped in the holy Sarovar surrounding the temple, relishing kada prasad (blessed food from the temple—a dessert), shedding a few tear drops, shopping for footwear for my mom and myself, some dried lentil vadiyan, enjoying some delicious kulfi and boiled corn on the streets, hopping on an electric auto, and heading to my stay location.
As I tried to remember the events that took place, I asked myself, "What is that one memory etched in my mind, the one I don't have to force myself to remember?"

Immediately, I had a flashback of that moment where I saw a lovely, thick khadi fabric which Dad loves and one I had been searching for in different markets and cities but couldn't find. Seeing that fabric, I instantly had this urge to get into the shop where a tall, elderly Punjabi uncle was at the counter. He was the owner. I asked if he had a few more colors and what price he would give it for. He said, "Yes, I do have them, and it costs 100 rupees per meter."

I casually asked him what he would recommend for a kurta, mentioning it was for my Dad (describing that he is slightly shorter than him in height). He suggested I should go for three meters.
I had to call Dad and get the go-ahead on the colors I chose—four of them. Actually, that was all they had. I fell in love with the cottons and natural fibers. Dad was riding and he picked up the phone, equally happy to see the fabric. He then overheard me talking to the owner of that shop and asked if he could speak to them. I said, "Of course!"

When I handed over the phone, Papa greeted that uncle in Punjabi: "Sat Sri Akal!" They spoke for a few seconds, and then I disconnected the call and made the purchase. The shop owner complimented my Dad's Punjabi. I smiled and left. Later, I drank a glass of Lassi in one of the shops opposite this one and rushed to buy a few veils for gifting my neighbor friends.

Back in my bus from the airport, what hit me was that there wasn't any reason for my dad to speak with the shop owner. But all he was re-living with that minimal interaction were memories of his own best friend, who was a Punjabi (Sardar). They grew up together, knew each other's lives inside and out, but the uncle (Dad's closest friend) left this world sooner, battling a life-threatening disease.

And I happened to be there in my hometown when it was the C19 lockdown. The day Uncle passed away, we had gotten our first second-hand car. I had seen my Dad sobbing uncontrollably, and how in his friend's last days, despite his tiredness from farming activities in the scorching sun or bone-chilling winters, he would take the evening to be with him, to take him on a wheelchair walk—to just make his life feel a little less burdened.

And that thought had me in tears.

In fact, my own Amritsar trip was totally dicey until I called up the auntie (Punjabi uncle's wife), and she helped me get safe accommodation and a driver.

--
I sometimes feel extremely grateful and blessed to have been born into a family with such loving and caring people. One where friendship knows no bounds when it comes to being there for each other.

--
🙏💕 This one's for Maa and Papa. Today, I deeply missed you both and remembered a few of my happy childhood days while listening to some old songs. 🙏💕

Peacocks and Butterflies.

My day yesterday was marked with a kaleidoscope of butterflies, which followed me right from that bench by the Promenade Beach till the very end of my organic farm trip. The icing on the cake was coming across a muster of peacocks dancing...

I am still mesmerized by all that unfolded yesterday.

---

I woke up around 7 AM, a little sluggish, knowing it was the last day I would be in my most dear place—one that is so close to me and affordable, perfect for my impulsive travel moods or cravings to be by the sea. Or, perhaps, I wasn't clearly knowing what I'd do through the day, except being in the room, on my bed.

Maybe I was exhausted from the post-work week exertion, gym exercises, sleeplessness due to travel, and at the same time, the deep felt ease of being somewhere I so dearly wanted to be.

There was an underlying worry about 75% rain predictions, which would mean I couldn't even be next to the beach.

I also noticed that I wasn't the same me who would rush to the beach at every given opportunity, especially to have quiet morning hours with nothing but the waves, rising sun, me, and my thoughts. It was slightly unacceptable to me and a bit disturbing too. To be very frank, the thought scared me. It made me worry: Am I losing a part of me? Am I growing old in my feelings too? How can I?

I would question and answer it too: "Sea is not a person for me to get mixed feelings, triggers about, but it's the belonging that is factored into me..."

Well, I then decided to change from my nightwear shorts back into the leggings and a batik top that I wore last evening. Somewhere deep in my heart, the plan was to get soaked in the seawater, walk on the sand, or stand there until the winds dried me up, and then walk back to the guesthouse. And I was hiding that truth from myself :( (a grown-up me and a little birdy child me).

I quickly wrapped up the morning routine of brushing and freshening up, and headed out with just my jhola, both phones, and some cash. As minimal stuff as I should to bear the load of sea-water soaked me :).

I walked in my sandals and later held them in the index finger of one hand, and walked and walked, with a few stops here and there. Those were more of something resonating at that moment with the waves' thrust or maybe my thoughts, which screamed for my acknowledgment. At a certain point, I saw a small family having fun and kids enjoying posing and playing with the waves. I instantly began to walk down through the huge black boulders scattered around with sand filling the gaps. Some, closer to the seawater, even appeared ancient with algae and some other microorganism creatures grown on them.

I too stood there, feeling the water, looking at the vast sky and its changing tone, and how it reflected on the waves.

I even saw two huge ships; one looked like some cruise at a faraway corner, to what my eyes could capture.

After that soul-satisfying wave wash, I came up to the walkway and sat there at a bench to let my bottoms dry off a bit. And I was loving the solitude of that moment. It was just me and my thoughts. Something had lifted off my heart. I don't know what, but I felt a bit lighter.

I then walked back to the guesthouse and went straight to the kitchen to order two yummy plain dosas for myself. By the time they were ready, I quickly got my journal and pen. I did gratitude and forgiveness journaling as that was so much needed; I know why. I missed someone again, so dearly that I couldn't hold my tears. I suffocated, I felt choked, but I had to learn to deal with it and figure out for myself how to be by my side, and journaling helped, deeply.

After my soulful time at the guesthouse mess with journaling, reading a few pages, and then lovingly cherishing the dosas, I was headed to my room - B3 :) (it says FRANKNESS).

While on my way, I read a few quotes from Mother on love, friendship, happiness, service, etc., and was feeling good about it. Not that I was seeking it, but I was not holding any aversion either. And then I saw the rest of the posts (below).

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The rest was history :). I first inquired about the department tour. In spite of knowing that I had missed it, I gave my 100% by calling multiple numbers and even at last getting the itinerary so that I could hire an auto on my own, but I wasn't convinced. Then a message popped up from the vendor:

"Greetings from Mother Mirra eRickshaw Service! Sorry, both our eRickshaws are booked for today.

You may avail the Organic Farm trip in the afternoon. Thanks and regards"

At first, I hesitated, and I was the only one for it. I wondered if it was really worth an 800 rs trip. I called up my friend and asked if it was okay I sign up for this, and I was told, "GO FOR IT!"

HA HA...I know my decisions are influenced this way, and I wonder why I am like this. Maybe someday I will have clarity.

It was around 11 AM when I decided to sign up. I then took a shower and slept like a baby for almost an hour. When I woke up, I had to plan my lunch and dear ginger chai with cake—all before the auto vendor for the organic farm visit came. (In my rush, I had mistakenly saved the contact details as "Mother Marriage Aarama department Tour," which I saw only when I returned to my city this morning and had a hearty laugh with my neighbors).

I headed to Hope Cafe for my Nutella banana crepe and then a long walk and chai at KBS bar 💕. (In spite of my body saying "enough of hogging," I continued. Who knows if I will be alive tomorrow or 🙂‍↔️). And that tea is too precious to miss, especially when I know it's my last day in town.

I had to constantly remind myself to leave "rush" behind and just be in the moment. My whole body is so familiar with this comfort in the discomfort of RUSH!

At 1:30 PM, I was exhausted and some bit uneasy for some reason; I don't know why. So I went back to the room and gathered my luggage and slept for a bit. I woke up at 2:25 PM, and the auto uncle was waiting for me at the reception.

When I saw him in his clean white shirt and blue shorts, I felt instant respect and gratitude. He wasn't like any shabby auto driver but a gentleman, and I loved that sweet gesture of him waiting at the reception for me. (Such little things touch so deeply in my heart, and sometimes these very things bring tears...)

---

At 2:32 PM, we began our trip! I apologized to him for being late. I asked him his name and if he also was a part of the organic farming group or just managing the transportation. He humbly replied: **Debjoy Haldar**.

I inquired a bit about his background, how long he had been associated with the Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust, and what he liked best about being here. He was so kind to answer all my questions, including the plan for the next few hours.

He said we would first visit the flower garden from where the bouquet goes for the Mother's Memorial, then to the lake and picnic spot where all folks gather and celebrate the individual who donated that land, then to the orchid garden (pics above), the farm where vegetables and fruits are grown, and the cattle shed.

The best part was, I was the only traveler visiting the sites and had become good friends with Mr. Deb. I was given a tour of even the jaggery, jam, and cheese factories. I could even visit inside the chiller chamber where all harvested vegetables are stored, along with freshly made jams and cheese with the date on it.

In fact, one lady was so kind to give me samples to taste, and I had a gala time. The coincidence was me currently reading a memoir, "Be Ready When Luck Happens" by Ina Garten, and reading all about her food adventures and getting to visit such a protected space made me feel so blessed and privileged. I truly can't describe the joy that I felt in my heart.

If I start to jot down details, I might have to write a few more blogs on this, but I think less is more.

Some things are better as sweet memories.

And to conclude, I saw peacock couples dancing, not just one but many, a couple of mongooses, and several beautiful butterflies. I couldn't believe the beauty of those moments. My heart was beating with pure joy and deep felt gratitude for those moments, the company, safety, and imagination.

In fact, the last stop was a 200-year-old Banyan tree, and the auto uncle went somewhere for a few minutes. All I did was hug a trunk of that tree and sat on its widely and wildly spread roots, which were now more like rock! As I sat, a few red seeds that I had collected from the picnic garden fell, and I felt like offering those to this tree. I was also admiring the beautiful pebbles around this tree, so whole, soft-edged, and polished kind. And to my surprise 😻, I found a heart-shaped pebble, a beautiful one, and felt as if the tree or Mother had blessed me with its love. I made a small pebble art where the pebbles resembled a meaning: the **heart-shaped one for LOVE**, one more **round one for PROTECTION**, and another for **PEACE**.

Can you spot love?

Selfie time! Say trees! :) this one is 200 yrs young with a old soul ;)

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I returned back to town by 5:45-6:00 PM, bid my adieu to the driver uncle, and headed for my early dinner and another cup of tea + five pieces of cake slice for KBS 💕.

I went to the room, took a shower, and slept for a while. Then, around 9:10 PM, I checked out and headed to get an auto for the railway station drop.

That concluded my Pondy trip. 🙏

Pondy always has a beautiful surprise for me

 In all these years that I have been visiting Pondicherry, most of them solo, I started to notice that each trip has a unique flavour to it.

Sometimes it's the co-joined stars

Sometimes, some random guy playing Guitar and singing in a soulful voice 

Sometimes, kayaking and mangroves 

Sometimes, temple callings and blissful Darshana,

Sometimes industrial telescope 🔭 at 50rs per session of 5mins to look at the full moon

Sometimes the healing waves and full moon..

Sometimes, just being kids with school kids and playing with the waves 

Etc etc.

This time was no different, one was the beautiful drizzles (off season) and an old lady, a garland seller,  tieing a Gajra on my hairs...and even returning 10 rs when I bargained that 50 seems too much and that I am running out of my own cash change...she definately had a big heart than mine. 

I wore it all thru the evening and when I returned back to my accommodation, the buds had bloomed and the fragrance filled the air around me. As if the air captures a certain episode in time and that was playing in my head and had the power to instantly transport me to that blissful evening walk near the beach, in my head.

After bath, I am still wearing it and my being feels so whole. Lady said : Nandri (thank you, in Tamil) I replied: Nandri. You are lovely Paati 💕🙏

Her smile and shine in the eyes had me.

And not just this, a song was constantly on my lips and mind...Kanmani la la laaa la la laa...and when I returned back to the room, Then I hear the artist in on of the live singing cafe singing it. Made my evening 💕🙏

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Day2/2

A noon near the beach, while resting and romancing the waves, a bunch of butterflies were constantly flying from left to right 💕💕😍. 

It was magical for me.

2. organic farm tour, just landed in my lap :)

Ginger tea and Reshma's love💕

 

@4:44am

इंतज़ार में सुबह के उज्याले के,

सुन रहे हम, शांत सागर की लहरों को...

और, बारिश की बूंदे पलहैपल का एहसास दिला रही थी,

मानो जैसे – ब्रम्हमुहूर्त में अमृत बेला हो।

Intezar me subah ke ujale ke,

Sun rahe the hum, shaant Sagar ki leharo ko...

Aur, barish ki boonde pal pal ka ehsaas dila Rahi thi,

Maano bramha muhurt me Amrit bela ho.

--

What started as a seed thought which turned into a longing....after my last visit to this beautiful corner of 'my' world....and holding a promise which was also a constant reminder to me - of returning a shell back to the ocean. And now, when I am here..It struck me, how long it has been since I visited!  Which feels like  - decades ago, 

when I was a different me. :)

Yesterday, the longing shattered it's chains and enquired with a dear friend and a loving neighbour friend ...would you accompany me? Expressing tyat I would really love to have a company along!..for the numerous beach walks,

 for the sea-waves staring sessions and all the emotions that it churns out of anyone...bare!

But each has their own priorities and there I was, dwindling to find my own. Amidst this all, there came a point where I dropped everything and just went for a lake walk, had my favourite boiled corn and a lot of hot boiled groundnuts! ...my dinner and it was already starting to rain.

At work, I have had a few commitments and I could check them all..felt happy about myself and that the lingering thought of work is past me now!

 Yeah, took me so much time to even decide if I shall carry my laptop along or no...and after a bit of brainstorming with a friend, decided Not to 🤗.

Viola! I dint see the bus departure timing properly and was in the assumption that it is at 11pm. 

I got back home from walk and started to pack.

I had booked both my tickets in a blink of an eye and a sense of accomplishment took over me. Drizzles which got converted into a heavy streams of rains faded away...my heart was already there...but worries were with me; of that of packing, it being the working day, upcoming events lineups, most important - I have had boiled groundnuts which can disrupt my gut-ease effortlessly and at any random time, and I am travelling in a semi-sleeper bus!!

For some reason I kept reminding myself to take it all as casually as just another day...no rush, no anxiety just one thing at a time. 

During this two hours gap, I attended a neighbour aunty who came to return my plates with some sweets and who speaks core native Telagu language, which I don't understand, so it was all gestures, but her presence was making me feel jittery...I tried hard to explain her that I need to pack and that I shall connect later... but she wanted to (un-invited-ly)  take a tour of my house for the nth time and put some more effort to talk and then leave..ufff!

Then, I sorted clothes to pack, my neighbour friend came and was surprised to know that I am going ahead with my travel...she helped me with digging out my packed bag pack from within a suitcase that was itself packed in a cloth piece to avoid dust!

And while speaking to her, taking a few trips between hall to the bedroom and back or to kitchen in between, I finished packing.

I then sorted garbage to be discarded the next day and handed it over to my neighbour. (So thankful to her for her kindness and heart), washed soiled vessels from morning breakfast when I had invited a neighbour's aunty who was leaving that day while I would be in office. I then sorted veggies and fruits too. Gulped two bananas and few cashews 

😂🙉

Now my neighbour got me some packed snacks to carry so that I don't starve and also some bites of hot Tomato rice ..yummy it was 😋.

 I had decided to leave home by 9.30pm to reach the pickup location which in the rains would easily be an hour+ ride from my home. I thought of attending to few time critical tasks and completed it by 9pm. 

I got a call from the bus conductor that the pickup location is silkboard and departure is 10.05p!!

The reminder of being at ease was tested in real-time and it actually won. I dropped the concern and reminded myself...if I miss the bus, the trip wasn't ment for me💝

(OH! This last line reminded me of my US trip - caltrain episode. when I was onboard and heard the song - 500miles...if you miss the train I am on...I am gone...a hundred miles....)

Well, I have had the exact same experience sometime back when I visited Pondy where I booked tickets after a heated argument and thought it was for night but it was for morning 10am with just 1 hour to pack and reach the departure location and how the auto guy turned out to be my Masih!

This time again, I got auto at 9.30pm, made it to the bus at 10.01pm and was in compete awe! I made it!!

--

The bus reached Pondy an hour earlier i.e 4am and I walked from bus stop till beach road..almost 45mins with my luggage, in the isolated lanes.

Later, at the beach, 

sitting under the drizzling sky, with my luggage by my side, my windcheater as my matress on the soaked stone slabs; I thanked 

 my body for it's cooperation inspite of sleeplessness and all the groundnuts, my neighbour for her care and love and time, for friend to be my sounding board and everything that brought me here in my now.

To the unexpected drizzles in this month, which is when I wrote the above lines...💕.

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When the guesthouse opened at 5:30a, I waited in the waiting area for reception to open at 7, took another nap in a plastic chair and then at 6.30am decided to head for my ginger tea and cake. There was just this one slice of it which someone else took and figit-ed with..but kept it back. it broken my heart and I left the tea shop, but seeing that the other tea shop was closed too, I returned to KBS with a thought - if the cake slice is still there, it was meant for me :)...and Indeed IT was there😍.

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But yesterday night, when I left home, i realised, I forgot to take the shell that I had to return back...

--

Loads of love Tan!

 

हंसती गुदगुदाती उन लम्हों की यादों में

 

हंसती गुदगुदाती उन लम्हों की यादों में
जब सरोबार होते हैं हम...
ज़िंदगी तो चल रही होती है आगे
हम अपने अंतर्मन में, रुक कर पीछे कहीं, लम्हों को जी रहे होते हैं।

पर, न जाने कहाँ से एक टीस उभर आती है
बिल्कुल दबे पाँव...
हर एक बार...
पली होती है वो दर्द के आँगन में,
सिमटे हुए उन लम्हों को, जो कर गए चोट,
हर वो छोटी-बड़ी बात, या डांट, या मुकरना और या बिछड़ जाना...
कभी ना मिलने की वो कसक
वो सूनी खामोशी,
वो दिल में बैठी आस...

सब कुछ लिए,
हंसती गुदगुदाती, उन लम्हों की यादों में
अश्रु से बहा देती है सारी सजावट।
और झुठला देती है हमें, कि
सरोबार थे हम... हंसती गुदगुदाती उन लम्हों की यादों में।

When a rhythm transports one to a different memory

 ..may be past life?

Seeing this video...Dad called and I knew instantly he remembered his elder brother whom he lost a few decades ago...

I don't know what I was playing but my heart was joyous...

Something felt resonating...

Close doors

 click from july 10th, 2024

A click from July 10th, 2025

Some days are all about about:

Teary eyes, trying to let go a little bit of hurt...

Alexa playing 'feel good' songs...(As instructed)

Instant gratifications...

Deep longing for warm hug...

Quiet contemplations...

Reflecting on a productive day...

New self-awareness and takeaways from Journaling...

Religious beliefs...(Chaumasa begins)

Full moon and rainbows (yeah double Bonanza & a event occuring exactly after a span of one year 💝)

Missing home...

Closed doors (on face)...

Body screaming from the morning workout...

Exhaustion...  mentally, physical and may be emotionally? 

Last mangoes of the season (yet another breed)...

Longing for a walk near the lake...

A deep desire for a soulful break...

A cup of filter coffee/ ginger tea...(My warm distractions)

Apprehension about the current phase of life and it's implications on my body...

Gratitude for a loving family and Dad's calls 💕 ( truely keeps me alive 🤗)

Never-ending work pings.... And DND activation😉😂

Smilee Emojis... (Support system?)

Globus sensation...

Just laying on bed - as it, in my office attires...

Alexa reminding, 'it's time for bed'!

Sleepy eyes...

Notifications on phone...

Rising and falling off the breath...

"Off..oooo isse daant ke bhagau ya seene se lagau" song playing in the foreground.🤷‍♀️

परछाई बन के जी रही थी

परछाई बन के जी रही थी,

समझती थी ' धूप ' का आना - जाना।

पर, जानती न थी कि,

एक दिन धूप होगी सिर के ऊपर,

और खो जाएगी परछाई,

 यूं ही अस्तित्व बनकर।