A return gift to Papa's Daughter on his Birthday!

What better day then Papa's birthday (02/07) to put the blog I have been thinking to write since 15th Jan 2022...

I wanted to dedicate this blog to the 'Love' that only a loving father can express.

So, this year on Sankrati (Jan 15th - New Year per Hindu Cal.), I thought of starting something new - totally distant from work or say skills needed at work, even art/ crafts....something I never tried before and should be something from the resources I have but more of something that will push me in the uncomfortable 'Yes'.

While these thoughts were taking shape in my mind, I was lightening the oil lamp (evening)...something that I had started off-late and developed a kind of liking towards it. I noticed that it calms me down, makes me feel there is always an aura of blessing around me, the house I live-in feels more warm and a blessed abode. 

I sat near the lamp and was staring at the bright flame, was absorbed by the light it emitted and how beautiful it looked in the mud lamp...then my focus shifted to the cotton wick which was submerged in the oil and how it was the only connection producing light by converting the fuel...for some reason it all made me connect this to the body (oil/lamp) and soul (wick). I began to reflect at that thought more closely and out of somewhere a few words started to ring in my mind....about music...about flute...about the right mix of nodes....and right then I was pulled back to my initial thought.

I felt as if I then had my answer, I turned a bit and looked up at the book shelf placed near the adjacent wall. There, on the shelf were flutes that Papa had carried with him when he visited me at Bangalore and on the day when he was leaving....he left those with me. I said - "Papa what will I do?.. You take it with you....at-least you know how play flute..you might need them". 

Papa replied - Keep it! I know you, eventually...you too will get it. Those words stuck with me and I began to ruminate. In a long time I had never felt this way...so assured, so trusted of my own abilities! 
Those words and the feeling of being so loved got itched on my heart...

I told myself...Maybe only a father is capable of expressing such depth of love. I felt immensely blessed, I signed-up to some random flute classes and every-time I practiced it that day...I knew my heart was smiling. I felt Papa's love. 

Happy Birthday, Papa! <3

(Happy that I could jot this and submit exactly at 11:59pm on 7th Feb :))

Yearning to be under the open sky

(a pic from inside of the Padmini Palace, Chittorgarh - Rajasthan Dec 2021)

The open sky calls me but..
 the close doors disciplines me

Conversations with the rising sun, serves as Nectar,
Kindling the spark of the spirit....
Even when the sky chooses to shut it's eyes on me. 

'Take refuge in Meditation' said the Tree🍃

During one of the conversations ...
I paused and questioned - has the monotony set-in?

Take a pause and Look!
'Look closer', said the tree.

After dormancy, I have begun to leaf-out

So, you will also be...

Manier times the bustling of thoughts seizes away for you to notice the pace of nature

Extremely detached - Monotony; is a notion in itself.

Rather, take refuge in 'Meditation'
Nurturing the roots...
Observing, acknowledging & letting it all surface...

For, a calm mind and open heart can only follow what seems to be unchanging.

Imprints of pain...

Imprints of pain...

In the blueprint of 'The game'

Fears of 'the same'

Comfort we find in 'naming the names'...

Some make their mark

Some dwindle in the storm

Some test the fate

A very few pause!...and reflect at the Game

to derive the hidden lessons from what appears 'the same'

In this journey, that appears to be mine..

That; walked by many...at parallel or in the notion of time...

A thought crosses my mind ...

Seeking who am I?

What if...'I' let Go..

Surrender that 'me'...one I know & I used to be..

Engulfed with the willingness & compassion

Embracing the revived perception

What if I ting the pain...

Free it from the experiences of any loss or gain...

Such as - raindrops decorating the windowpane...

Such as 'Poetry - being the essence of 'The Game'.

सपनो की दौड़

सपनो की दौड़ ...

क्या है ये सपनो कि दौड़ ?

वो नही जो सुबह् से चले श्याम ढले कि होड् !

ये वो है जब वीकेण्ड् पर, मे चली माटी से मिलने ....
या कहो ...निकली खुद को टटोलने...

माटी !
कच्ची, गीली, नम और कितनी संवेदनशील
हर ऋतु का उसको एहसास ...
हर हस्त का उसको आभास
इतनी नाजुक, इतनी कोमल,
पानी मे मिलकर निखारे अपने गुण

पहली बार जब छुआ उसे ..तो लगा जैसे रिश्त गेहरा उससे
कभी चिकोटी काटी, कभी थापाय, कभी खरोचा, कभी चिपकाय...
पर इन सबसे ऊपर माटी ने एक सबक सिखाय ...
कि - कभी भी उससे मोह का बन्धन ना बान्धना

क्युकि जानते थे हम; और शायद वो भी ...
कीमत उस हर-एक पल की
जिसमे हम थे सुध् खोए और वो बुध को ढोए

मेरे सपनो कि दौड़ ..
माटी कि और :)

A lantern in the heights

A lantern in the heights,
A warm kiss planted by a peeping light,
How the morning feels such a delight!
With the hottest drink on the coolest flight (indigo masala tea)
It's 5:30am & I am high-up...here in the sky
I am loving the warmth with winter hugging us all tight

A lantern in the sky.

(This was when I was en-route from Delhi to Hyd...The pic was speaking to me :)

That which reminds me of My Blessed Childhood.

Was shocked to see that it's been almost five months that I got back to my blogging canvas!...Feels like a terrible loss. But when I do the RCA ('Root Cause Analysis'....Yay! MBA lingo :P)

Nonetheless it feels so nice to be back and going. Yes, 'Going' in the sense that there were days when I want to write and write and write so much but thoughts were so dynamic that it was hard for me to really motivate myself to give it a shot.

In the recent past I have realized something about me - the Blogger or writer in me. It is in its best form and highly enthusiast if
- I have been on a long train journey that too having a window seat.
- Have been for a evening walk.
- Had a very productive and meaningful day. When I have been of some service to someone.
- Last, If i have been deeply feeling homesick, missing Mom, Feeling over joyed or Hurt. Yes, Now-a-days I get hurt very often and on smallest of things or words or with people. Seems like a wound within has never healed.

Well, what brought me back here was the strong sense of belonging...of being some help to my neighbor aunt who went through some surgery to get a the surgical thread removed from her stomach that was used a few years back when she delivered her second child.

(Do you remember this??)

I had offered to cook breakfast for her the next day and after realizing that I do not have enough ingredients for a healthy breakfast....I thought of taking a walk to the nearby grocery store. While walking I was thinking if My mom was here she could have just cared so much ....and  what would have she cooked to heal the body. This thought took me back to several instances where I am more than grateful for being a daughter of such kind and generous parents.

Let me recollect the instances here ...it feels so so so good.

• During summers in central part of India, I was prone to get heat rash/ prickly heat....My mom would fight my Dad and convince her to send me to my maternal parents home as they had cooler and it would be better for me. 
• Once when I was under chicken-pox, My mom observed a fast and went to temple every day for a few (specific no. of days).....I don't know if I really deserved so much of love.I have always been a rebellious kid/ adult as I was and I am more of a heart person (feelings matters most) than that of Mind (thoughts) and this contradicted with mine and Moms beliefs.
• I heard that My Mom missed her elder brother's wedding just because she din't want it to be a trouble for her new born - me.
• Maa is at one moment fuming with anger and the other moment she is just as cool as the shade of a blooming tree.
• During summer, I was spoiled for choices and the carefree messiness...specially the way we use to eat fruits and juicy mangoes.
• I was a free bird..be it what I feel, say, express or do!. I would play in the cozy corner of the garden which my Grandfather (Babuji) use to look after and would tie a rope around a hefty tree called 'Elephant Leg' and the window of Grandpa's room. Would feel so proud of my own little Hammock and being surrounded by the chirpy birds.
• Most of the time I will be involved in deep introspection about something or the other...Primarily Life, people, Instances and the magical Sky with its Sun Moon & Stars.
• Days when my Grandma (Bai) would read an article from the news paper and help me instill good thoughts and moral values.
• Days when I am dead scared of exams and my aunt (Badi mom) will stay-up all night long with me and be a pillar of my strength.
• Evenings when my uncle (dad's elder Brother) would bring us chocolates/ dry fruits and throw them in air for all of us (siblings) to catch.
• Festivals, specially Diwali where we would be all dressed so well and go and meet neighbors, exchange festive food, seek blessings, make Rangolies and have a unannounced competition :) 
• The very air, the trees, those morning bells from a nearby temple, those school days, the yum and soul satisfying food at home and at friends or cousin's home.
• Another aunt who use to help me with my love for curly hairs.
• Our house helps who were more or less our extended family who use to give us oil massages, do various beautiful hairstyles, cook whatever we ask for.
• That designer dresses which we use to give designs and get them stitched.
• The most awaited "birthdays and Gift from Mom & Dad"
• And much more ............will take a stock some other day .

Above all - 'The intact innocence', 'The Go-getter life' and Pure LOVE that I have been blessed with.