The day started on a convenient note with a ride to idli shop for breakfast followed by a strong less-sweet filter coffee, a walk upto and inside a nearby park, a few honest but heavy conversations with a friend about my behaviour from past few days and the triggers or beliefs I am still holding even if they are taking away every drop of my peace and ease.
But the need to have that conversation, being heard and acknowledged and also coached a bit was needed, for good or bad.
Later, at home I got busy with cleaning laundry (yeah under the drizzling sky) and logged-in for office work but was hardly involved and as a great escape, I spent some time looking for food to be ordered for lunch and a bit of sun shone and it uplifted my spirits...I wanted to sit in my balcony and read the last book for year 2024.
I did that. But it lasted very briefly due to weather becoming cold again and cloudy. I had to get back in the house. It now feels as if I have been locked inside the house and just keeping myself busy either with daily chores or moving from one room to another or simply being in kitchen for one or The other random cooking or heating or drinking water.
In boredom, I killed a lot of time scrolling Instagram with reels on ayurvedic remedies, financial tips, some funny ones and a few new businesses promoting their new unique offerings like a India based chocolate manufacturer who claim to be process sustainable and use only natural ingredients and dates as sweetner. Another was a Indian snacks house; infact ordered one pack of snacks. Chocolates for the New year, may be?
Well I din't want to lift the book again so I got back here. From resting my bums on an office chair, to bed, to a mat, to kichen slab...I am finally settled in on to a car spong pillow. Yup and pouring my thoughts here. As always my thoughts go extra miles effortlessly 🫣✍️
I came here with a topic in my mind but emptying or ranting about the prior events of my day helps me declutter and be better at writing the actual piece (atleast in my heart I am a better writer🐵).
I know most of what is poured out here is a pure BS but it all matters to me deeply; each letter and word! across the whole blog. Sometimes, thinking of just this attachment to my written (typed) words makes me emotional and I wonder what if I loose this...
Initially it scared me, the thought of loosing this felt as if my existence, my pain, my thoughts were all wiped off. But when I actually sat with myself and checked, my most prized possesion has been the chance to pour out my heart's content here and I think I will be ok with whatever destiny has for this blogspot.
Now coming to a few things that I am so very proud of myself from year 2024.
- I managed it all with meticulous planning eg. My visa appointment, documentation, travel, US first trip, meeting people by chance and making friend with them, home visit, meeting new friends on the flights, childhood friend's and their family gatherings at Pench near Nagpur, enduring pain of a great manager leaving, the farewell planning along side multiple travel and visit planning for office visitors, singapore visit, house painting and funding the project, planning mom's visit and her friend joining us for the last week, their schedule and trips to pondy, local site seeing, shopping with mom (yup my new diamond bracelet, another gift from mom 💝), second US trip, home trip, ++++ all alongside every day of internal struggle, pain from the hurt and feeling of being misused or taken advantage of, with new awareness about trauma etc but I could do it all...I kept journaling and kept walking.
- I enrolled for a permaculture training. Yet to complete though
- I finally dared to do the car driving classes.
- I completed reading 11/12 books I had commited to. 12th one is on it way.🤞
- Grew finger nails for the first time in my life and it was effortless. It felt great with different nail enamels and the ease with which I was able to grow them and the belief that it caused me pimples on my face was long dropped.
- Consulted a Tax advisor, finally!
- Got the complete body medical checkup for a friend which was looooong pending....say a few years in a row.
- Did a two day bike trip with a friend and it was a new experience and I am just reminded that after Dad's bike, I never went pillion riding with anyone till date.... atleast on a bike trip like this.
- This diwali, taking a flight home, spending time with family was the most fulfilling time and I made use of the old walls by painting them and leaving a piece of my soul in each stroke, made Rangoli to my heart content, celebrated meeting other grannies and cousins and elderly.
- Brought many books 📚.
- Financially and emotionally supported self, a friend or two and an uncle. I feel sometimes there is a reason why life is the way it is and we shall just live. (I know... easier said than done)
- Challanged myself to step out of my comfort zones be it at office by having hard conversations, engaging in new learnings, listening to the heart more and validate it with mind.
- Religiously followed meditation and journaling or atleast blog posting.
- Made efforts to heal the self and relationship with mother (I am so proud for this one thing because this is the whole foundation of my life which was initially not laid right and I had to take matters in my hand. I know it's a life long journey but I am hopeful to be concious in my choices.)
- Made time for "Out with the old and in with the new" session and dreamt of new dreams and goals from across seven different areas of life i.e Health, Relationship, Finance, Work, Personal Goals, community work and Write/Journaling; envisioned 2025 goals.
- .... Let's see what I do with rest of 2024 in hand :)
