I was lying next to mum this evening, after returning from work.
For some reason, I longed for a warm hug, one that is so pure, earthy and comforting. One where thoughts are wiped off brain; mind and heart feel home; the whole body is at ease. And that, in my experience, happens either in deep friendships or relationships with a strong foundation of respect, trust and surrender.
In that moment of longing, I randomly look for 'hugs' on Google image search and found numerous couples pictures where they are in a warm embrace, sketches of cuddles, animes, few were of people and there beloved animals.
Just then, I remembered about a specific black and white picture of a black horse and a baby girl hugging it. I dearly loved that pic and felt as if it spoke to me in a language or warmth that I longed for...I also rememberd, for a long time I held on to that picture on my phone, it would give me sense of ease and comfort.
Same evening, when we returned from our shopping and dinner, I wondered, as a child, who would I run to? Where was my comfort and vibes that of my tribe?
A memory of dark, fearful nights flashed... I was a little girl of ~7 or 8 years and at night, I would sleep in the largest room i.e the living room/ hall. Some days, In middle of night, I would wakeup in panic and fear, would look for someone elderly around me and if I don't find anyone, I would sheepishly go to the next room which was my grandparent's room, it has two parallel cots and a wooden table in between. Each of those cots were half of that of queen size beds and enough for one person to be able to sleep.
I would softly nudge my grandmother in middle of her sleep, pull that long table and cling to her big round and soft belly and gesture her to accommodate me. Without a word she would tug me next to her, comfort me and put me to sleep.
A tear popped up like this buried memory from my conscience. Probably, through a hug, I longed for that feeling of comfort, ease, peace and safety.