From Gentle Hands to Brushed Aside: A Lesson in Lost Sensitivity

I have been avoiding writing about this event that pulled my attention inwardly, on the lack of sensitivity for tiny living beings.

Growing up, in a joint family setup, I have had the privilege of absorbing (mostly unconsciously) some certain religious beliefs and customs, including ways in which one love and live life with the ecosystem around.

For instance, my grandmother was extremely loving, jovial and deeply understanding. She was very devoted to clean surroundings and I have seen how Diwali cleaning would literally mean deep cleaning; with every nook and corner of a household of 13 members being looked at. The biggest and longest project would be kitchen. Though it meant grueling times for my Mom and aunts, it was the most fun exercise for me.

Among other kids, being the closest one to Grandmother, I was also her right hand. I can say our vibes matched :). I would be the helping hand for tasks that needs some acrobatic (or say Monkey :P) skills like climbing the wooden stool, mopping the fan with a piece of discarded sock worn over a wooden brush with bristles (usually used to clean bedsheets), or to clean any top shelves, a showcase or even the top surface of a cabinet like wooden temple mounted on a wall. With the showcase, it was like a Pandora's box. If we stumbled upon any long-lost item or a forgotten one, there would be numerous stories that would pour out from recalling those episodes

I used to thoroughly enjoyed it all and the feeling of accomplishment after seeing my Grandmother's happy face was out of this world. Well...that was about Diwali cleaning.

There is another event I recall about the eldest of my Aunt who was deeply devoted and followed all the Jain rituals with discipline and she would do daily Pratikaman which is supposed to be done twice a day. And I would observe her dedication and devotion...and use to think she probably got it from her parents. I had met them and they were the most simplest of all yet the kindest.

My eldest Aunt, she is and the most disciplined and detached but extremely adjusting in her nature and also the most considerate among all the other ladies in the house. With all the knowledge that she would share with me, I always felt there are very few people who understood her...but felt she was blessed to have the most loving and caring Husband (my Bade papa). I recall from my childhood that whenever she would sit to do the Pratikaman, before putting the mat on the floor, she would makesure to sweep the floor with a white soft wool broom with a small loop handle. This was done to avoid harming any tiny insects.

Also, growing-up I have seen how we would never hurt any mice or any other insects like lizard or cockroaches but we would rather capture them and release them in the open grounds...far away from the home.

What nudged me to write blogpost was - this incident that took place three days back. At my BLR residence, I was in the kitchen making me some snacks (got hungry after my commute from office). From my kitchen, what I saw was an active black patch on the opposite wall, the one next to main entrance door of the house. The instant feeling was that of ugh! :(

With a knife in my one hand and broomstick in the other, I rushed closer to find that there is a whole colony of tiny humble black ants..each holding a white tiny cotton ellipse-like ball with it....but out of anger or disgust, I thought brushing them with broom would be the best and I can straight away land them out of my home in one powerful broom stroke and that's what I did! the next moment I realized, I was such a fool to have thought they would be obedient and will go as per my plan! rather, half of them landed on my foot!!

And then what, the next moment I stomped on some of them in my effort to shoo them away from over my foot, but all in vane. The rest of them have already sensed the panic and the whole colony was all over the floor of my living room. I was heart broken coz I never intended to hurt them but I couldn't control my irritation and felt disgusted about me. My neighbor was around and her sister said...just put some sugar or rice grains and they will disappear in few mins. This was the exact moment I was nostalgic, (remembering something similar growing-up and we would add wheat flour and not hurt a single insect), I was sad and teary eyed for killing some of those innocent insects and their babies, I was disgusted with myself for making a mountain out of an anthill (read - molehill). And I questioned myself, how this rushed-up life has changed me to be less sensitive :(.

I pray for those tiny life which were lost that day...May God bless their soul and bless me with compassion to be a little gentler in general with self and others.

Journey to a sacred place (Chidambaram) turned into a Dance Odyssey

Since my last post, my mind has been stealing moments amidst the hectic travels, meeting families, close relatives, kids, attending functions and rituals – all to reminisce about last June (2023) and recall every small detail about my visit to the Chidambaram temple.

A part of my journey was captured in my last post, where I talked at length about meeting a little girl named Sinduja on my bus journey from Pondicherry to Chidambaram. I also mentioned how I missed my destination and was dropped a bit ahead of my stop.

I started walking back towards the temple. On my left, a narrow passage led towards a huge entrance gate – the front gate of the temple. The passage was lined with small shops selling puja items, juices, and holy threads. The closest one to the temple gate was a "paid" shoe rack where all visiting devotees left their footwear, and I did the same.

**It was a sunny day, and the heat was unbearable. With bare feet, one could almost feel like they were being asked to walk on hot coals – bottoms up!""

I stepped towards the main entrance and touched the groundsill (a gesture to seek blessings from Mother Earth and pay respect to this holy land). I was overwhelmed by the magnificent architecture ahead of me, contrasting with the simplicity of the people around me – a complete paradox. From the exterior, no one could gauge the magnificence of the temple, its courtyard, or the lore it embodies.

I was also deeply grateful for this dream come true. Every detail spoken about this temple, by my colleague was ringing in my head. The excitement of exploring a new place all by myself was unparalleled, yet there was a deep sense of familiarity that unfolded with each step. Within that short time, my mind also recalled how meeting Sinduja had already marked the journey with such blissfulness, thanks to the knowledge she shared about the art form Bharatanatyam and it's association with the temple god, Nataraja.

What had made me curious to visit this place was when my colleague mentioned the geological significance - CHIDAMBARAM is the centre point of earth's magnetic equator and out of the Pancha Bootha Sthalams (are the five Shiva temples that represent the primary elements of earth, water, air, fire, and space) this temple reflects the space element. And how one can attain a speedy spiritual growth due to this space element. 

Today, as I write this post, I recall the astonishing facts I came across during my research (likely found through Google Search) about this temple. One such question that piqued my interest was: "*What is the spiritual significance of Chidambaram temple?"

It represents the exuberance of creation, the dance of creation which self-created itself from the eternal stillness. Nataraja standing in Chidambaram is very symbolic because what you call as Chidambaram is just absolute stillness. That is what is enshrined in the form of this temple." 

...and how I had to force myself to stop and pull back each time. The whole exercise of roping each event from my memory was resurrecting the journey in my heart. It almost felt like being on a pilgrimage.

In-fact, I could continue to key-in this blogpost only by listening to the Nadaswaram. 🙏

Back at the temple, I took my first step inside, and my ears were greeted with  soulful music  (timestamp: 6:12). I later learned it's called Nadaswaram. The music didn't just touch my eardrums but my soul in a way that anchored my being. An invisible string of drum-rolls seemed to pull me, and my steps began to find their own course towards the source of the music somewhere inside the temple.

The surrounding courtyard was unlike anything I'd ever witnessed, and the music echoed within it. It filled me with a feeling of home, celebration, and liberation from any heaviness in my heart or mind. Halfway through, I noticed a group of dancers on my left. All of them were women aged 18 and up, clad in vibrant red Bharatanatyam costumes. The sight was enthralling, accentuated by the raw grey stone courtyard floor. From a distance, a few young girls gracefully walked towards the group, their ankle bells marking their steps with a beautiful sound in the temple premises. Collectively, it all felt like a celebration of some sort, taking place on a regular day. I felt even more elated to be present there.

Thereon, I followed a family walking ahead of me, visited the main temple, attended the Aarti (morning prayers), and received Lord's Darshana. While lost in my thoughts and the beauty surrounding me, amidst the gathered devotees, I saw a tall, bearded man (around 45 years old) walking in, dressed in casual white kurta-pyjama but carrying a briefcase. His body language clearly indicated a connection to music, and it dawned on me that the briefcase might hold a harmonium. There have been many times in my life when I've met or seen people and felt an instant connection, and the same was true with this man's presence. However, my attention was drawn back to the ongoing prayers.

While doing Pradakshina, I saw a few more dancers, an elderly man (seemingly the master), and a lady in a beautiful blue-pink silk saree with a border; joining the gentleman. Sensing a possible performance at the temple premises, and with childlike curiosity, I followed the dance troupe everywhere they went. A few cameramen were also there, probably wondering what was wrong with me (^_^). But I simply couldn't resist my curiosity, especially at the abode of Nataraja, the God of Dance. Every event that unfolded began to feel like a blessing.

Shortly after the main prayer, the dance troupe walked around the long temple corridor and chose a corner of the inner periphery. This position allowed them to face the main deity while they performed. However, just as they were about to begin, they had to pause abruptly. A senior priest from temple, carrying a replica of the main idol, led a procession followed by musicians and other junior priests chanting mantras. This procession circled the temple three times before the idol was placed back in the sanctum sanctorum.

The dispersed troupe regrouped and began rearranging the musical instruments, microphones, and mats. They set up a place for the lead singer in the front row and another for the main dance instructor (master). Meanwhile, the student girls lined up in order of seniority, with the most experienced dancer at the front, ready to perform Bharatanatyam.

While everyone was busy, I took the opportunity to approach the lady in the saree. I introduced myself and asked her about the whole setup. "What's going on here?" I inquired. "Is there an upcoming function you're all practicing for? Or is this some kind of event for social media? (Because two cameramen were following you all along...)"

Surprised and curious, I almost forgot I was in a temple. The familiarity I felt with the scene deepened. The kind lady explained that this was a landmark event for all the graduating Bharatanatyam students. As a mark of respect and to seek blessings, the students traditionally perform for Lord Nataraja first. To my surprise, all of them were Malaysians except for the main dance master, who hailed from Tamil Nadu but had relocated to Malaysia long ago.

The lady was very soft-spoken and friendly. We even clicked pictures together. During our exchange of greetings, a gesture of hers touched my heart. I still find it hard to believe the circumstances that conspired for me to be there at that moment. The lady placed a tilak (ash mark) on my forehead and with humble words explained that I held great significance for her and her troupe. Although I initially thought I was just an extra audience member in the background, her words touched deeply. She explained that since they were in the temple of the 'Dance God', offering the grace of Bharatanatyam to the Divine, my presence as their first audience made me, in a way, equivalent to a divine presence. I stood there speechless, filled with awe.

The lady rushed back to join the rest of the troupe for the performance. With a smile, she bid me farewell. They arranged themselves in a semicircle on the corridor floor. The lead singer, positioned in the center with a microphone, was flanked on her right by the master, who would sing the solfege or make clapalongs. The harmonium player sat at the far right, with the remaining musicians to her left. I found myself a perfect spot on a nearby platform, offering a spectacular view of the entire setup – undoubtedly better than what the cameramen could capture.

The lady soon waved to the students, and the rest of the troupe was ready to begin the performance. The echoing melody and the rhythmic clinking of the ankle bells transformed the corridor into a magical space. In that moment, I was undoubtedly the guest of honor, sharing in the divine grace of Shiva and witnessing this breathtaking display of artistic devotion.

This post would be incomplete if I do not share the meaning of word (*Source - Google Search)  Bharatanatyam* -derived by joining two Sanskrit words: 'Natyam' meaning dance and 'Bharata' which is a mnemonic containing 'Bha' (bhava/emotions), 'Ra' (raga/melody), and 'Ta' (tala/rhythm). Thus, Bharatanatyam means a dance that expresses Bhava, Raga, and Tala.

(And this day - 30th June 2024, marks the victory of Indian Cricket Team in - ICC MENS T20 WORLD CUP 2024💖)