Search This Blog

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

What is it to be in the moment...

 


As I was taking a walk on the beach road, I saw a mid-age couple sitting facing the sea. There was something so calming about the way they were, their body language spoke every bit at ease. 

And that very ease was absent in my being...since long. As I started to think about the missing 'ease' I sat somewhere closer to the couple and stared at the sea, the waves, people - walking, running, having mad fun with friends, some taking selfies, some busy trying new angles for capturing a great pic of the ocean while some were there offering prayers with family. Somewhere a little far from me, I saw a white dog sleeping with such ease that I had tears in my eyes realising it's been ages I had experienced sleep of that sort...that element of being carefree. I couldn't take my eyes away from that dog and resisted hard not to go around it as I might disturb it's sleep.





Wait a min! I am still thinking....now even louder ...ease is being in the moment but does that means surrendering? is it love or is it trust?

While watching that dog and it's rythmic breathing I sensed a certain calmness taking over me and I got up and stepped down closer to the sea and sand....where the dog was sleeping. I sat next to it and gently touched it's tail...the very end of it to make sure it doesn't wake up.

I was also amazed that - though the whole beach side is so loud with humans; playing and having great time...this dog was deep in it's childlike sleep...I wondered how!  from where it has so much wisdom and assurity that the waves wouldn't touch it and it lay there so carefree. In true sense trusting the sea and the waves with its life. 

I now had to hold myself back hard, to not hug it and sleep next to it so I indulged in some sand-mandala art, I took the dried stem of a nearby tree and it's leaves - color of autumn and were wet with the sea water soaked in the sand it lay on.

With that I made a small flower like Mandala and at a certain moment I experienced that a weight was lifted off my heart, I felt a bit lighter and liberated may be from the chains of grown-ups, of being the one bearing the responsibility and at that very moment I was nurturing the inner child. In between, I also felt like brushing that puppy and at few intervals, I kept getting closer to it...close enough to be able to gently stroke it and it let me do so. I felt loved. A part of me was revived. I smiled from my heart and I was feeling so much at peace. I then spent some more time sandwiched between the mandala on my right and the doggy on my left....

Then I got up as I wanted to actually take a dip in the sea but had cellphone and book with me and had to manage it on my own....so just stood closer to where waves were reaching the shore and I let me feet immerse in it. I enjoyed that for a long while and later moved back up toward the concrete platform and read my incomplete book in the reflecting light from one of the street lamp and a hotel across the street.

I finally felt I was in the moment, as I sat in that breezy shore..reading almost 40 - 50 pages with some great music playing on my phone and me soaking the storyline.



Sunday, June 4, 2023

Loop : switch on/ off

There was this particular song (tu aake dekhle) that I heard for the first time in my friend's car while I was on vacation and visiting home.  I don't know what it was..maybe the vacation vibes that matched in the song and made me feel happy and loved or it was the company of friends that my soul yearned for...


(Back in BLR)

It was a friday morning while washing clothes at the terrace under the open sky I was enjoying some good album songs...

I then selected that song and immediately without much thought, turned the 'Loop audio'- On. In that very moment I experienced a deep awareness about how I have been on endless mental trips in a loop...be it a broken relationship, a sour friendship, an uncertain future, questions that were never answered, self criticism ...majorly the discomforting events! One that I keep playing in loop in my mind and then make efforts to get back to the now, ease of a bit, allow myself to be ok....that life happens and that it's a Journey. 

I tell myself, the harder you love or trust the harder it hits back....so that's ok. The beauty of it all is that I experienced and I would probably die empty....coz I loved deeply and believed in people...I put my total faith in them. Rest is their journey too and I need to learn to let go; which I know is the most painful and almost impossible task for me...but possibly life is putting me in this loop for me to give it a try and be easy on self. Life goes on ..whether I wish or no...


So best is to be more aware and tune-in to 'what is not wrong'...put effort to let that be a Loop that I switch on as an auto pilot.


And also know it's all a choice and I am allowed to make one with all my heart and grace.

From the song...(https://youtu.be/16jSQ0xdJKU)

लोग कहते मुझ को ग़लत, मैं रखता तेरी तलब

पर क्या करूँ? तेरी तस्वीरों को देख के उठती तड़प

मैं रोकता खुद को नहीं, आँसू आ जाते हैं

मैं वो नहीं जो करे प्यार किसी से भी नाम का रख के फ़रक़....



Thank you