Happy Mahashivratri 💝

 

"तन की जाने,

मन की जाने,

जाने चित की चोरी,

उस शिव के हाथ में ही है तेरी-मेरी डोरी।

महाशिवरात्रि की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं!🌸🙏"

(Source : Google search)

This pic was clicked in one of the temples in Srirangam and I don't know why, this Nandi sculpture and it's simplicity....that brass garland with bells and it's sheer beauty complimenting the thousands years old surroundings, captivated me...

I went twice near the sculpture, to stand at a distance and simply stare at it. 

It felt alive in it's energies.

And what better day then to have this added on my blog/ whatsapp post for Shivratri wishes to family and friends....

I am in love with full of life sculptor  (I would call it an idol)

Har Har Mahadev 🙏🙏. 

Bad decisions make good stories ~Noah

 

(Feeling 😊)

....

Refrence image (below)

One of the task on my weekend list was to complete this painting, I had started it at Goa...

I wanted to continue to add more details to it but I decided to let it be as it..

Loved this time, painting is when my breath is calm and in it's own rhythm, while painting and the brain is pure bliss...no thoughts, no worries, no longing, no vaccum either...

Only now in it's totality...

🫰(Luv u Tan, for taking this time...)🫰

Happy Birthday, Bro!

 

(Year २०१४)

 I gifted him the treasure of my memories with him and shared, how between those shared moments, we grew-up.

I guess, atleast he did! 😂 I am still figuring it out for myself. 

Before sending him the access to the photo gallary, I went thru all those pics and remembered different phases of him, growing-up. As an elder sister, I was more aware of.... A cute innocent bundle of joy, to kiddo baby, a rebel boy, to mischievous teen, to one who aspires to lead, my most trusted buddy for a 2 am call to hear me out on one of my most difficult day, to an adult looking after people around him without fully knowing how wonderful a being he is....a little short tempered but I wish and bless him that he heals it....

While checking the pictures, I stuck upon this pic of us where he was the one who introduced the whole family of seven (staying together), with the hidden love that they held for a fur baby 🐥.. He brought a puppy home (to a family with strict rules against any pet animals) and he left for his higher studies, but what I saw that eventually the family grew so close to brolly🐕. The pup became so dear to each member of my family and I heard Dad joking that he never looked after his own kids this much as much he loved brolly..... Dad cried when we lost our dog.

I was majorly away from family, growing up, so I was a remote spectator....

What touched me the most in this picture was one of those rare moments which we shared like a typical brother and sister who would fight, care and love deeply.

I am getting teary eyed.... And I am missing home a lot today. I guess the pictures made me nostalgic...

Well wishing my Best brother a blessed life, health, happiness, ample love and soulful success...

Happy Birthday, bro🤗❤️🥳🥳, you are my most precious gift....

Srirangam Temple visit

 16/Feb/2025

Back at Bangalore, taking the evening slow, sipping a cup of hot ginger black-tea and a piece of Hyderabadi Neeloufar Biscuits (gifted by a vendor), staring at the vast blue bright sky, sitting in my balcony.

With a piece of biscuit in one hand, the other hand picked up the phone, to see if I can start pouring my thoughts and weave the experience into words, about the magic of my Srirangam Temple visit.

The moment I opened my blog page, the thoughts, photo-memories and feelings from the temple-visit came gushing. My feelings shifted from easy-breezy, to ecstacy, to self-doubt (am I over reacting), to un-worthiness because the level of my experience was way beyond the capacity of my words to be able to narrate and at last, I simply gave-up on the idea of documenting the experience....more so because I was sure the outcome would be more of a branched story where I might loose-out on the important events from my day at Srirangam.

Now, I picked-up the book that I thought will read to keep my mind in one place...completely forgetting about the enveloped garland, pressed between the pages of that book. the garland that I had received when visiting Temple's main Deity (Swami Renganathar) and that gift completed me.

To keep it safe, I had pressed it inside the book, just behind the hard cover....it re-affirmed my belief in life's magic and it felt so precious to me. 

The garland dropped out of the book and my heart knew, I now have a go-ahead, the muse has just blessed me... 

So, Let's begin from here and go back to the memory lane and reminisce about the magical realm that I was blessed with.

My journey from Bangalore started on 14th Feb 2025 by 1:30pm Vande Bharat Train, from cantonment railway station. The desire to visit this temple was there since long, this time, I had promised myself to take a step ahead - booked the train tickets for both sides, onwards and return. My onwards ticket wasn't confirmed and that was the final deciding factor.

(Feb 18)

Two day before the departure, I got a sms as CNF, I checked the railway portal and it said seat is confirmed but will get assigned when chart is prepared i.e. 4 hours before the trip and I was also thinking will get one final message confirming the same.

I was excited!! Finally another solo adventure but feared that language may become a barrier...

I then enquired with a friend to help me find some connections locally and there! I was introduced to Mr. Krishnan Ramajunam!! Who planned my complete itinerary :) (copied below)...the only caveat till here was - he was overwhelmingly chatty 💔.

I thought, that's ok as long as I am focused on my temple visit and some quite time which is what I conveyed to him in my chat while discussing the agenda of my trip - "Primarily temple visit and some quite time and no shopping"

Happy morning R (13th Feb 2025)

As discussed please note the following road map during your Trichy trip.

14.2.25 Arrival Trichy Junction 7pm. Will arrange for your pickup meter auto booked by me

Once you reached the hotel relax for 30 minutes minimum and plan for dinner traditional food outside if you wish. Otherwise restaurant 

Sleep well 

15.2.25 you should be ready in your hotel at 6.30am for Lord Renganathar darshan at 7am through my guide arranged due to the Saturday crowd.

After temple darshan (3 God's) around, 8.30am have complimentary breakfast in your hotel and rest for an hour.

I will come and pick you up at 10am for the darshan of lord Siva temple Thiruvanaikovil. Excellent architect holy place. After darshan will reach the hotel Sree Sangeetha restaurant and relax for 3 hours.

4pm will have excellent filter coffee and proceeding to Lord Ganesh Rockfort temple darshan. Due to the sunset it will be an awesome environment in the evening

 

Night dinner same Sangeetha or different place 

Night sleep well due to hectic travel 

16th morning pickup by meter auto from hotel to drop in the Trichy railway station 

Tentative expenses 

Stay Rs.5500

Food Rs.750 max

Auto Rs.1500 max

Temple as you wish 

Keep some small amount Rs.20, 50, 100 for pandit in 3 temples.

We are covering

1. Lord Renganathar 

2. Lord Renganayaki

3. Lord Chakrathalwar

4. Lord Ramanujan 

5. Lord Siva

6. Lord Akilanendeswari 

7. Lord Vignesh on top Rockfort Temple top view

Hope you will be enjoying the Trichy trip and thanks for the opportunity given to me to take care of you.

---

At BLR Cantt., I checked the seat allocation on the railway portal;  I never got any further confirmation or seat allocation message. I happily settled in there @ C4 32 (aisle), my luggage (one duffle bag 🤗) was neatly placed in an overhead luggage racks. 

Just after the train started and we crossed the 1st station, a family approached me asking - "Mam, this is our seat" and my heart hammered in my chest, a frantic drumbeat. I politely said, no this is assigned to me but if you are unsure, I can vacate and till you figure out I can be standing (knowing they were family and elderly).

Then I started to doubt myself that possibly my tickets never got confirmed but I am in the train and I may be pushed out by the TC if this is true...and the humiliation I might have to bear, was getting pictured in my head. 

I shaking checked my phones, one has the SMS from Indian railways and just this morning it stopped working, network went down and sim wasn't getting recognised. So I had to hold another phone in another hand and type the PNR manually...it all felt so stupid and deeply embarassing.. especially in this era of 5G! But thankfully the family was utterly kind and said, you take your time and check it peacefully. 

It turns out, all this while, I was referring to my confirmed seat no. from the return ticket and never actually saw the confirmed ticket for onwards....but It was confirmed and I was assigned C1 16 :).....had to cross 5 coaches to reach the last one...and the seat assigned to me. And it so happened that the seat was a middle one in a row of three and a Mom and his adult son was sharing each on either side ...and luckily the guy suggested I take the asile seat so that his mom can be on window side and he can be on my seat :) ...and I breathed easy after all the mismatch...

To be continued....

What Darshan!
Started at 6:33 am into the temple and got out at 7:45 am
Lord Renganathan doors being opened for me 🙏
Meeting and taking blessings of White horse, Elephant and Cow....
Also saw two peacocks
At temple 2 seeing decorated cow

Buying some stuff 

Chakrathalwar deity's flower garlands being accepted 

Seeing a cow

Mission cover-up!

 

My lastest innovation!!

Smokey charcoal upma!!!

(Yeah, growing up, a part of me always wanted to be a scientist....)

Well, any damage to anyone sentiments with offwhite or colorful vegetable upma is purely con-incedental (pun) 😂🙈🤫! 

At the very first look of this upma (my breakfast), a sentimental song started to ring in my ear....with custom lyrics:

रब्बा मेरे 'कास्ट iron कढ़ाई' किसी को ऐसे ना तड़पाए होय....

Cast ka color  रहे us kadhai me, khaane तक ना आए...

Me: To कढ़ाई,

तुझे शर्म ना आई किसी से अब क्या केहना!

तुझे शर्म ना आई किसी से अब क्या केहना

दिल रोया की अख भर आई

दिल रोया की अख भर आई

किसी से अब क्या केहना

 (song -tujhe yaad na meri aayi..)

🙈

Btw...taste was decent :p. 

Love you Tan (now this abbreviation also resonates with Tanning😭)

Speechless and in tears of ecstasy

Standing here, at this spot, and without a blink I could stare at this mysterious and mystic landscape. Something felt so magical and enigmatic...and full moon's radiance was such as if it was preparing me for the big day💝🙏🙏

I dint want to take my eyes away from it...even for the camera....'I' became nothing infront of this Majesty 🙇

A generation, which will soon be extinct. Facial lines would narrate the  humbling stories of these people of God.

There came a moment where I just turned towards this tower and suddenly everything appeared  more clearer...and my soul was longing to find the meaning beyond

❤️

Dear God, thanks for allowing me to be here, without your grace and love I wouldn't have ever known this .....

When there is a calling from the supreme..

 

When there is a calling from the supreme...

One change in the waiting list of train from WL 9 to CNF was such a relief and then the plan started to unfold on it's own.

Being referred to someone who is a localite of the city and is named Krishnan Ramajunam who promised to make my itinerary as defined as if it's being planned for The PM 😂 but I should take time to visit his saree shop...

And to my surprise, the itinerary being planned is so detailed and thought thru....infact I am being asked to rest well tonight as it's going to be a long day travel 🧳 but I am so looking forward to it 🙏🙏

The co-incident of this name Krishna has been a constant for few of my very important and soulful trips, be it my tour guide at Bhutan (a piece of earth so dear to me, my love), 

One of the tourist who also came till the tiger's nest Monastery, cave and offered me the tirtha.

....such soulful memories💕❤️

A heart filled with gratitude and joy.

Maa's sweet Birthday wish 🫰💝

While waiting for the millet food stall to open, so that I can have my dinner, I dialed my brother's phone to discuss some pending financials for the house painting and also his upcoming Kumbh mela visit.

After I disconnected the phone, I remembered it is Mom's birthday tomorrow and I messaged my brother asking if he can get flowers and a cake, if feasible...

He replied, he has a train to catch around ten. (Probably he thought, I was asking midnight celebrations..)

All this while, I was walking infront of the the millet shop and that lane also has a grocery shop. At one point I saw ice cream banners on the opposite shop. That image took me back to the memory of a very soulful vegan dryfruit kulfi that I have had at my last visit to Auroville, in Pondicherry.

It was me, mom and her friend who visited and we got lucky that day as that was the last batch of three Vegan dryfruit Kulfi's. 

Sometimes, limitedness is what get's written in the history of mind and is cherished for many years to come. 

Then what! I had to call-up mom and shamelessly ask her to try and make the same Kulfi at home with some coconut milk, tonight for her own birthday. 

The input about using coconut milk, came from the analysis that my brain did while recalling the mouthfeel and flavour from that day :) but I am now grinning at myself for the confidence I expressed on that call to convince mom about my version of vegan kulfi receipe. 

My idea was that she can celebrate herself and also treat others - the aunt's at home, visiting granny and uncle. This way, she will not feel alone as Dad is at the farm ....and I am not sure if he remembers it's mom's Birthday...

Mom was quite for a while, I guess she was  digesting that information of my version of Kulfi receipe I shared with her. After few seconds, she said, no, I heard that a new Natural's Icecream parlour opened-up in our town and that she will order her favourite - tender coconut flavour :)

I was like - excellent!!  please do order two boxes so that you all can enjoy double scoops :) 

In her bubbly mood, her sweet response was -"you also get one for yourself, their", and this innocence of her's touched my heart and I jokingly told her...I anyways wait for such occasions or excuses to have one :p.

I just wanted to hold her tight and wrap my arms around her...and tried hard to hold back any emotional breakdown...

Wishing you more and More Love, laughter, friendships and companionship, this Birthday! happy advance Birthday, Maa.🌹💝🙏🤗.

*One of my favourite from our recent meet🤞

Happy birthday, Papa🫰

 Having you in my life is a biggest blessing. Getting to speak to you on call, laugh over some random jokes on eachother is like no other relationship can mean so much or hold that space for eachother💕

On your birthday today, posting my first year birthday pic, in which you are helping me cut the cake,felt like coming a whole circle. 

I recall my childhood thru these picture and I am reminded that those childhood pictures were your love for camera which turns out to be my treasure box 🙏✍️ thank you Papa.

And that recording of karaoke evening which has the apt song...."Kahi to ye dil milte nahi aur kahi pe nikal aate, jamno ke naate"

Health, love and joy! 🫰✍️🙏💝🫂

Oneday, we all become Kohli - The Performer!

Switching contexts between team outing planning, personal goals for February or having goals to not having any, performance ratings at work and how I associate myself to it, hearing about a friend's father being at his death bed and how at every sign of health deterioration a new accessories being added on his physical body yet there is nothing that could bring ease, except death. Seeing that friend also deal with family betrayals, issues of miss-trust and run a business by pulling every mili-meter of emotional and physical string together to enable the mind to perform and navigate each moment as a businessman, a son, a vendor, a friend, a father and a brother....makes me reflect at the Big picture of demanding life.

On such life path, sustaining each day, as it comes becomes an auto pilot, and acts as the foundation with basics such as a Morning greetings with a thoughtful emoji of gratitude 🙏✍️, care💝🤗 and affection🌸 works like the ray of hope.

There came a point when such chaotic nature of events around and thoughts within me, established me in a zone which seemed as if I was emotionally floating i.e. not soaking-up anything rather just being, listening, seeing, going along....no baggages held. And in one such moment, over a charged-up discussion that involved intense planning for an upcoming event, I paused, paused to check-in with self and the immense peace that I felt in the awareness of that moment and how the un-obstruct flow of life that is seeping thru every pore of such awareness or unawareness drew my attention towards it; in the form of incoming and outgoing breath.  I asked the other person in call, how strange is this time! 

And immediately comes an answer, Yes! I knooow...

Remembering it all, I started to think of my own journey, as an individual, a sensitive girl, one who din't know what it was to fail in life, to loose confidence, to face the self and the most difficult or it all to be forgiving to self and accept.

I won't say I am over it all but I am better and somedays I sob and question myself but days like today with those few moments of awareness, I am at ease.

And that reminded me of Kohli who played one of his best matches and won it too, inspite of it being the day when he lost his Dad.

To me, it feels like the more we begin to navigate our emotional limitations, the more we understand life and the more we create flow of life 💝 ✍️.

Ty and tc love (tan)

Flowering? succulent?

Mom's favourite and my bouquet of purity, calm and deep love 🤍

--

And the most surprising thing that I noticed last weekend was a bunch of buds in the succulent....all these while I thought it's the succulent that is a flower in itself and the leaf too...but see what it could accomplish!!

A full bloom of tiny white flowers in its heart!! Such magic brings tears to my eyes and also a hope that we are all more that we think we could be....

Life!

 

Solo walks (Neem & Peepal)

Solo walks when one is deeply immersed in conversing with the self...without any expectations of any response or understanding but just patiently moving...one step at a time.

Maybe this is not the time where it's conversations taking place, rather, one is tuned to the inner landscape of one's heart and is listening !

The agony, the pride, the path, the past; recall of the times where such conversations became a narration of the past and are heard in a different light. Of that of trust, journey and life's nature were it would just want to keep seeking more life...

Such rare events where the heart is at ease!

Don't know if it's the bond that it has developed while being amidst the nature or is it an escape from the clamor of human interaction...

The curiosity gets kindled in the slightest of movement ..be it the leaves rattling, water rippling or winds whispering. Each embracing my presence with it's own and I would pause. With a childlike awe and heart beat racing I would look for signs, probably, finding solutions to riddles of my mind.

And then will move forward...one step at a time.

Would encounter dogs frolicking with a freshly uprooted tender coconut sapling and about half a distance ahead, these two baby trees (my most favourite) The Peeple and Neem, standing upright, bathed in the soft glow of the dusk, shining effortlessly as if Life in it's stillness is also a Celebration....of within.

Timing

 "No wild animal has ever participated in a should. What you know to do is deeper than that"

(Pg. 31, Track Awareness from book - The lion Tracker's Guide to life)

It is a Sunday late evening, I was sipping on the last drop of my hot chocolate while reading the book with some italian instrumental music playing in the background.

As such, my day was sober... did a lot of  laundary, cooked meals, cleaned kitchen and rested a lot. In between I was getting triggered to make painting or read a book but I buried that urge or the feeling of compulsion under hours of mindless scrolling on Instagram or youtube shorts.

The scrolling ended at a post which hit like a bullet and shattered my emotions but upon checking-in with self, I knew deeply the truth of my life is known to only me and that's all that matters. 

The story or timing of certain events of my life is different and I know the whole truth (atleast that I care about). I had to take a few deep breaths to ease my being, especially on such days when one is all alone, by one self, locked up in four walls of mind and that of physicality or day dreaming or lack any motivation....

Well, few deep breaths, self check-in helped and I stepped down the pedestal of self-sabotaging or any guilt trips or resulting low self-esteem....and to reward myself, I made  a cup of yummy hot chocolate and surrendered to it 💝

Now a days, especially after a terrible heart ache due to a decision gone wrong, a time when trust was tested and failed....the pain of which erupts every now and then, the questioning it leads to, topped with deeper self awareness which again isn't easy to deal with, I find myself observing life more and more from a lense of passer-by, someone experiencing life but not involving in it much...more consciously, more willingly... probably also knowing that the threshold of hurt has been crossed a lot many times and each time deeper and deeper.

I feel numb at days and also completely disoriented. The order of events of my life are out of my understanding to comprehend or make sense off, somedays are bearable but others are way too overwhelming and I choke. I get ease with words - written or typed and that helps me keep going...

And just when I was sitting to continue my reading, the words arrived - one to heal me, bring my soul some peace and ease from the judgemental lense of the world and assurance that I am on my journey and the compass of my heart helps navigate the course...

The timing of appearance of those written words in the book worked like balm for the agitated heart and those lines above, brought all the warmth 🙏✍️