Just wanted to ink a few beautiful moments from my stay at home this week....
Yesterday, after a late night blog writing session, which was in continuation to a sleepless night - the day before...I came to check if my brother has slept off or was on Netflix... as I could hearing a phone ringtone/ some background sounds of a movie while I was blogging from kitchen.
In hall (the biggest room of the house) I saw him sleeping like a hippo (ha ha....) I wanted to hug him and just be with him. I called-out his name a few times but I could only hear snoring sound in response and I was like may be he is faking it :D....so I eventually took the small space at the edge of the single bed and hugged him...but I was a bit scared if he might get disturbed and unknowingly his dhai kilo ka haath falls on me...then I am finished :D. But I laid there quietly next to him...pondering over my feelings and what urged me to be next to him, the emotion I felt when I suddenly had this desire...that I wish I have had more time while he was a small baby....to play with him, takecare of him better, shower & express my love for him and to make sure that mom's unreasonable anger doesn't spoil his childhood. And I was soon transported back in the moment when I realised that I had got a bit teary eyed.
I got up, tried to replaced the bolster pillow he was resting his neck on with a soft square cushion .....in the hope that he will eventually take it and not sprain his neck and I left the room. I felt immensely grateful for that over-pouring affection for my brother.
Heart to heart Talk w/Brother
Tuesday morning, after my bath....I was really experiencing sever anxiety...as if I am struggling to come to terms with this place...my own home around my Mom and others. Even while bathing I was experiencing palpitations our of fear...and I stood under cold shower to let the fear go away.
The only immediate rescue I could find was to go and speak to my Brother. I rushed to him and spurted out that I am struggling with this and as I was sharing, I also knew what was the root cause or trigger. I shared with him that my biggest fear or discomfort lies in Unknowingly hurt Mom by my words or actions for her changed behaviour that I am noticing where she is constantly seeking to be a part of any dicussion I may be having with anyone...irrespective if it make sense or no....and it irks me but I get it...she is seeking attention...a generous kind one but I know that expression was long ago suppressed and burried for her.
The outcome of that little talk was :
- He said he gets it and may be this will change once we start working on home renovation etc
- He clearly & jovially drew boundary by saying - pls do not involve me in this as I already have enough in my bowl of soup :D
And I said all I cant bear is Mom loosing on her 'Now' and I hope she understands it before it's too late.
When Punjab comes home : Lunch Treat & a home away
Today, Mom's Punjabi friend treated us with authentic home cooked - punjabi chole kulche & cake with onion salad .
She is our old family friend - Wife of my Dad's childhood friend's (BFF's). [Uncle passed away two Yrs. back]
After lunch they all rested for a while and I logged-in (forcefully) to attend to some work atlease and not create additional panic for myself.
Later, after our evening tea, we all (Mom, she & me) when for a long walk..met some people who knew Mom or her and were new to me...then relished a plate of Pani Puri too :)
Around 7:30pm she said she will leave as it was evening prayer time for her and since no one was at her home...she had to put the lights on.
I din't feel like letting her go as I knew she would feel too lonely after such great time together...So Mom, my Aunt and I offered her to return back for dinner with us and that we shall play Tambola together. During & after the game, we all laughed our hearts out...remembering some random episodes (especially with Mom).
Then they all watched the season's hit episode of Koun Banega Crorepati! The one where a Lady won 1Cr.
And we signed-off our day with a visit to an Ice-cream shop and heading our respective homes. Mom stayed with Aunty as her Son & DIL were out on a trip.
Reflections :
- I love my Mom, both aunts for being so accommodating, loving and kind.
- When Aunty returned for dinner she expressed that she felt as if she visited her mother's home from her in-laws home and that will be an acknowledgement I will cherish for long <3
- Bro and I had hearty laughs teasing each-other.
Sam's friends on call
As it was lunch time, I went to the other room where my brother was on Video call with his local friends and I too know them.....Asa I entered the room, I heard my brother explaining his other friends looks on that call....and his words were like 'Looking like my cousin (Mikki Bhaiya) who - if kept in water over night would swell' and I burst-out laughing as I could immediately visualize it :D....
As if this wasn't enough, the other friend added - 'we can say - Sprouted Mikki Bhaiya' :D :D :D
Hilarious it was!
I miss this banter...may be I grew-up too soon. Nevertheless, no regrets only love and a deep gratitude for everything that life offered me with so much grace.
A paint vendor gifting me a book
I was feeling bored, unable to focus on work and asked my brother if I can join him for Paint purchasing ....for my Aunt's room renovation. He said ok.
At one of the Shop (Muslim vendor), He asked me if I read...and I said yes, I do. He immediately pulled-out a book and handed it over to me. It was a book written in Hinglish and he was the Author.
This was such an unusal exchange at a very unusual setup but I felt happy about this diversity.
That Vendor, after knowing that we (Bro & myself) are Jains; greeted us in our usual Greetings : Jain Jinendra and Michammi Dukhdam :)
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