Home which SHE can call her nest

It was a busy morning and a long day at work. I had many seniors leaders visiting the city with a packed schedule and I have to make sure that I stay on top of my work.

As a usual routine, I spend at least 15 minutes to meditate asa I reach office.

Today was no different except a deep unsettling feeling, such that I was struggling to stay put or attend to the meditation guidelines. At a point, inner voice guided attend to the emotion and I took a deep breath, observed the feeling I felt in the body, near chest. After staying with it for some time I just allowed myself to let the core feeling surface and help me come back to normalcy.

To my surprise - It didn't take me long and immediately, the picture of everybody at home and what my aunty (badi mummy) had shared a night before.. while on video call that the house was lit and decorated more like as if it's Diwali. Decorative lights and oil lamps were lit too, neighbor's were asking what special and my uncle (bade papa) said our daughters are coming home 🏠.

Knowing about this loving gesture, even writing about it made me choke with mixed emotions. Of what they go thru when we aren't there, what makes them love us so deep and so much that our hearts will be full for lifetimes, irrespective of their differences with others at home... When it comes to kids/girls it's only love, nothing else. I had to take time to feel the emotions and attend to it else I would have struggled  for the whole day.

With eyes closed, I thanked those loving hearts 💕 and send them more love, joy and health. May every girl be blessed and have a family like this ... a home filled with love which she can call her nest.

Only love, grace and gratitude🙏💝

Have I healed?

So I watched this movie - the Kerala story, a few days back. Obviously, I could not have mustered the courage to watch it alone hence, went with a friend.

Having the presence of the friend by my side somewhere kept me floating, floating in a way that the story line was not something I was getting dunked into ... which usually happens with me in case of intense story-line 

And surely, I thought I would have knot kind of heavy feeling in my gut based on all the reviews I had read or pictured in my head but surprisingly I came out ditatched... definately - not completely; but to major extent.

At this, I was surprised with myself and asked was this an affect from the PLRT I had done recently or that I was too prepared mentally but then there was one visual that left a bit of uncomfortable feeling which I really had to struggle to make peace with... that of women being used as S_x slaves and the dialogue that the scars that rips the souls (for many lives to come) and not just the body. I wondered if I have healed or am I still trapped in a pattern of thinking and feeling a certain way?

These thoughts took me back to a few instances and my mind and heart was at a combat. Heart wanted to ignore but mind caught the facts that lay bare infront of my own eyes and in experience....How do I still stay calm and make peace with the memories, the never ending conflicting thoughts and feelings all about - in the name of love, in the name of belonging, in the name of mine, the ownership of another in a relationship....It makes me question have we - humans lost the beauty and purity of being in love? Of experience Love inside out, not the other way?

Well I haven't found my answers yet or may don't want to as day by day it's all becoming useless and I have had lived enough and long and so deeply that it's ok to let that be. 

All I pray that the hearts stay tuned to the greater beauty of respect and kindness or that of giving them owning of that of trusting than being vengeful. And may this earth continue to grow to be a blessed and better place with each passing moment🙏.

Goodnight.