The lost love...

 ...a letter.

@Ghirardelli square  2025' sep 28th. SFO.

Yes, I do.

What could be more beautiful! 

To be in the moment, having a sip of hot hunza tea and feeling the rains in the atmosphere, surroundings and letting the moment take over ...

Amidst the packing anxiety, pilled-up commitments, calls to be made and exams to be cleared....I sit here writing this blog and sipping my tea

 Mostly, I have reached the exhaustion point :)

But well done Ruu...and know that I love you💕

Yes, I do :)

My barefoot, morning walk

I entered the park, one which has a patch of mud too, not just ornamental plants.

I removed my footwear at the platform, stepped down onto the mud floor, which was also the periphery of a tall, full-grown tree.

At first, I felt like a guest... which wasn't ever the case.

Every step was with caution, to see the ecosystem that existed there.

I saw various beautiful leaves, fallen and transformed in colors of yellow, dull green, or brown.

I saw tiny ant homes and wondered, what it would be like for them?

Do we humans look like giant species or a threat, who may just stomp on their homes or even them?

Do they live in fear, or are they blessed with minimalistic thinking?

I continued to walk around the tall tree.

When I came from behind it, the rising sun's bright, warm rays fell on me.

I loved that touch and presence; I then became more blind to the people around me.

The warmth made me smile.

I moved forward, step by step, and saw tiny white, five-petal flowers, appearing as if the stars have come down on the brown, muddy, wet earth.

I collected them one by one and adored the beauty of the Creator's creation.

I wanted to transform these tiny flowers into a signature decor for the tree, and I collected some leaves too.

That small piece of land near the tree looked as if a rangoli was created, and it kindled my heart.

I then took another round around and felt the earth lighten more in my heart.

I felt grounded and more tuned to my senses.

And I began to love those barefoot walks.

A story in Gold

Yesterday was a madness with household chores, planning ahead of my own travel, a manager calling in sick and all the rescheduling and me and my neighbour's long list of tasks that has to be attended between 11am - 3pm....all on a working weekday!!

We made a pact to start the day early, finish household chores and she to finish her own travel related packing before hand. We finished brunch and then started off with a laundary list of things to get done and all blended well in an order to match the demographic spread too 🤣. For example, ironing on left of house, then collecting coins (for her temple visit) from a shop next to it, to bank branch that is a bit round about etc. it was fun!

The highlight of these errands was : getting my gold bracelet diamond fixed, exchange a ring and also get a rose gold chain soldered. We were very much on track with our time commitment untill we visited the massive jewellery store! 

The conversation started with getting the missing diamond fixed but the caviat was that the piece had to be sent to another city and it would take a min of twenty days whereas, I am scheduled to travel on the next weekend. 

While discussing with my neighbour, upon her suggestion to swap 18 caret diamond bracelet with a 22 caret, I thought let me explore and see if I like anything as much I had loved the one I am wearing on my wrist but I had  a second thought and told her that this bracelet is associated with my shopping with mom and how we both had taken it together...and may be she may not be happy if I exchange it; she definately would be happy if I buy new ones but...not to let go the one I have.

So we decided to call mom and check with her once, giving her the background of one missing diamond for the set of 32 (tiny ones) & viola! Ma was onboard. 

I also had a ring that I had purchased in my hometown and once it saved my finger from getting pulled apart... And instead the ring got skewed. So that ring was on sale too :)

Now, with gold etc, Indians have a lot of beliefs about buying on a certain auspicious day etc and I had some certain thoughts about it to but then I went with the song of my heart... If it says yes! It is a yes :)

After spending almost ~90 mins and way above lunch timings, we bought two rings, thats all ;) and then heading for the last leg of the shopping - apparels.

While returning, we were met with heavy rains and were two hours over our schedule. We nicely got drenched and were laughing uncontrollably due to the mad rush on road, shower coming on us from all directions and water seeping thru our layered clothes and the chill we would feel with each blow of heavy winds.

Somehow we reached home and thanked God. All our dried laundry got wet too.. Which created a little panic for my neighbour as she had planned to carry some for her Travel toda, later it all worked out.

In the evening, I had called mom to show what I bought and she sounded a little disappointed as she didn't find my purchase meaningful but she also was kind enough to say - you liked it?...if yes, that's enough. I told her - I l💍ved it :) and then I tried to explain her my side of story :

I already have 'love' on one of my finger..., now I got the heartbeat and a rose (may be?), to complete the lovestory.

On this side of phone, I was silently laughing at myself... But I truely loved those designs and I am such mad individual that the new rings I bought, were slightly loose fit for my fingers, but I went ahead and got them! Just because I loved the designes so much. 

Isn't it a successful day on every count: tasks were (mostly) done, errands were run, memories were honored, and a great story was made with my neighbor!

Gifts from Mother and the universe

 On a barefoot walk today, joined my friend and we both got lucky to meet a beautiful pet bird and even lovely it's caretaker - a young boy but so well raised by his parents. I simply am in awe of his wholistic upbringing.

The most beautiful moment of my day was getting to kiss this beautiful birdy and another toddler name - Adi (also my first love, a neighbour's kid💕) in the park.

Coloring for the soul

Alexa creating an ambience of warmth and flow,  playing my liked songs....

I wrapup the artwork with the song - are you with me 💝 

The whole intention was for me to allow the flow and it all started with the brown stroke, then directions, layers, color balancing or enhancing, fill or patterns, illusions of different objects in that small piece of paper, visible at the rotation. 

It was not all smooth linear flow...but zooming in and out of the art and emotions. The songs that played were playing with my emotions and those emotions will take me to memories and the colors will bring me back, or create new stories for me to focus on...

I don't know what others see in it, I see a Shivling, an Elephant, a Bird, a intentional heart and at some places it's just colors depicting a meaning, a presence of an element.

--

Thank you for a blessed day God.🙏🌸

The friends I met

 Almost fifteen days back I signed up for a GoNature session on YouTube which was just for a nominal fee of forty seven rupees :).

And the session turned out to be four hours and an eye opener. At the end of session, we had to instantly make a decision to signup for the master  classes which is a commitment for almost a few months and two days as the all day session. 

I don't know what actually transpired for me to get into that and it all felt as if a deep longing to be a doctor or cure people or help eradicate the dependency of humans on medicines actually was infront of me... MAGIC or the power of intention?

The course talks about everything in everyway, my core beliefs system on healing from the nature and it not just speaks from experience but from facts too.

Well, a part my assignment was to spend time in nature and connect with the magnatic field of Earth for which I shall take 30mins barefoot walk on mud (not cement or concrete).

Yesterday, I was feeling burnout at work, I took a late login and pushed myself out of bed to stick to a promise I made to myself, the night before i.e. we will ditch work thoughts and go for a nature treat and I will get a reward of delicious hot idli chutney 😌🥰.

Then what! I went to the nearby lake temple and it has a cricket pitch where I took solo walks barefoot, even though I had some apprehensions about the land - if it is manmade (filled) or natural. But I do remember that in the past, when the park was being constructed, mud was filled into it. Well, I  told myself to trust mother earth and that even if it's mud it's under the sky and in coexistence with the elements of earth.

I kept walking and I met some precious beings which lightened my heart with immense joy and this post is dedicated to them :)

1. There was a wooden ply, rotting and next to it was a beautiful black mushroom standing alone and had a lovely white outer lining...and I loved the grace and beauty of the creator and how vibrant it was ...all on its own. (May be I see a piece of myself in everything lone :p)

2. A local breed of dog was there and looked like it was his usuall place to sleep...and as I walked past it,  it getstured towards me and I felt to sit next to it and stoke it's head and it slowly slided into a calm sleep. I so loved that feeling of belonging that I felt with it;)

3. The most precious of all was a tiny tortoise 🐢, the BEST Surprise 😻! I first touched it's shell and it stopped. I lifted it in my hand and adored it...I wanted to jump out of joy because at that moment I felt like bringing it home... to live with me to be my partner in crime, to grow old together...;) but no...I restrained from that wishful thinking.

The baby was looking at me with the pulled back neck and popping eyes, I then stroked it's stomach and it froze (I feel sorry). I tenderly, in my heart told it, you are safe and you are loved. I then touched it's one arm and it pulled it back ..and then the other...I laughed at it's shyness and sensitivity. But I never felt that much love and joy flowing through me that I felt when I saw this baby tiny creature - also walking barefoot on ground. 

4. since I wasn't able to contain the excitement, I went towards the edge of that piece of land and sat at one of the corner stone, next to another girl who later became a friend and we spoke for almost an hour. She was a yoga teacher who specialized in  prenatal therapies. We connected so well and I was transported in a different world. 

She looked exactly like one of my childhood friend who I use to consider as my bff :)

I left the torty baby on the ground and bid good bye to it too. I know sometimes we love something or someone so much but leaving them in their own journey is best we could do for their well-being (I guess...).

Then the yoga trainer and I both walked, we exchanged numbers and bid a good bye.

It was a magical moment of my day. Ty Maa (mother earth)

💕😌🙏🌸🦚

घर की याद

मेरे घर की याद आना, ये आज कल रोज़ रोज़ का टॉपिक बन गया है। कभी घबराहट, कभी अकेला पन, कभी एक आशा बांधने वाला कोई, या कभी सिर्फ एक भूखा पेट और थकी हुई आंखे, कभी शहरों की अंधा- धुन भागदौड़ के बीच, उस अंजान खामोशी और बेपरवाह लोगों की भीड़ के बीच, वो गांव का सुख, शांति और एक अपनापन...बहुत याद आता है मुझे अपना घर।

शहर की नौकरी, खर्चा उठती है मेरा और जिंदगी को एक मकसद या पहचान देती हैं, कहीं अंतर मन की गहराई में, जहां मुझे खुद नहीं पता मेरी जिंदगी की राह, एक दिशा सी दिखाई देती है मुझे।

पूछती हूं अपने आपसे, क्या होता है ये घर और क्यों याद आता है ये; आजकल दिनभर। 

शायद, घर के बढ़ो का आस पास होना, एक ऐहसास कि - हूँ में महफूज़ एक साएं में...बिना कोई लेनदेन के, बस प्यार के पालने में, एक परी, एक बदमाश बच्ची, एक चुलबुली चंचल सी जान, एक चौराहा जहां छोटे और बड़े जीवन की नवीनता को बयान करते है, जानते है, समझते है, एक अनजाने पन से साथ में आगमन करते है।

घर वही होता है शायद जहां में बड़ी हुई, जैसी थी वैसी ही रही : बेबाक, अल्हड़ और एक लड़ाकू सी, और जिन लोगों के बीच बढ़ी पली उन्होंने मुझे खिलने दिया, एक पुष्प की तरह...धीरे धीरे, उगते सूरज की लालिमा के साथ और श्याम के चांद की शीतल छांव में।

उलझते, सुलझते, बढ़ते, बुझते, जिन्दगी के हर एक मोड पे बस चलते रहते। 

-- 

Missing my home has become a daily topic these days. Sometimes it's anxiety, sometimes loneliness, sometimes someone who gives me hope, or sometimes just a hungry stomach and tired eyes. In the midst of the crazy hustle of cities, among the unknown silence and the crowd of carefree people, I really miss the peace, tranquility, and a sense of belonging of my village.

The city job pays my expenses and gives my life a purpose or an identity. Somewhere deep down, where I myself don't know the path of my life, it shows me a direction.

I ask myself, what is this "home" and why do I miss it so much these days?

Perhaps, it's the feeling of being surrounded by the elders of the house—a feeling that I am safe under their shade, without any give and take, just in the cradle of love. An angel, a mischievous girl, a lively and restless soul, a crossroads where the young and old talk about, know, and understand the newness of life, and arrive at it together from a place of unfamiliarity.

Perhaps home is where I grew up and stayed just as I was: outspoken, carefree, and a bit of a fighter. And the people I grew up with let me bloom like a flower, slowly, with the redness of the rising sun and in the cool shade of the evening moon.

Entangling, unraveling, growing, and fading—at every turn of life, we just keep going.

Joy of bloom

Waking up to the blooming flowers instantly lightens my heart and brings a smile to my face. There's a certain magic to them, and this morning was a triple dose of it.

Three partially bloomed, cone-shaped buds seemed to be soaking up the sun, their soft color - a gentle gift that will fade with the day.

I feel so grateful for this fleeting glimpse of their beauty.

An ode to Friendships

Two young boys, one taller (early teens), in white shirt and blue half pants...walking. The taller one balancing the cycle with his left hand and another hand around the neck of younger boy, walking on an over bridge which was empty but they were enjoying the high-rise view...

It was around seven in the evening and I too was on that bridge but was on my two wheeler...my buddy. 

The road ahead of me was empty and this glimpse of the two boys caught my attention and stuck a chord in my heart. 

They say - energy travellers faster and there was some deeply grounding energy on the way those two boys were being in their own selves and  casually walking over the bridge and adoring the high-rise etc contrarily the underpass was heavily jammed from the corporate mass returning from work. But I was returning from a therapy, of that of shopping, at a Fab sale 😄💕💪.

I love that brand, the fabric and how they have restored the core of Indian Fabrics...but offcourse, I find it hard to convince myself to buy them at MRP and hence the sale purchase. I got a few great deal for two khadi cotton Kurtas for Dad and one for myself. I loved them all and was greatly satisfied with this long ride on a busy day both at work and on roads...infact I have somewhere withdrawn from stepping out alone, like this, that too on a rainy evening. Thankfully the weather was kind and it poured before and after my ride.

When I saw the two boys, and rode past them, something of my heart was left with them, that imagery which my heart captured stirred something deep, the feelings it invoked, my heart was beating faster and tears started to swell in my eyes. I wondered what just happened!

A little ahead, at a signal, I distracted myself and asked what happened - Tan? Is there anything that triggered you? And all I could feel was the loss, a deep loss and a friend missing by my side, in my life. 

It hurt deeply to realize - when I look back, I don't remember when was the last time I would have taken such a walk with a friend..such carefree walk with dreams and aspirations, within the warm embrace of that safe space where, so called - My world would have resided and breathed easy. And what a place in the world! No fancy eateries, malls, coffee shops or even parks, but - a random overbridge. One that I think was empty to behold and allow the grace of such precious moments taking place, of theses teens lives, definately not on a week day...never!

And the simplicity of that walk! Stole my heart.

Those two were in slippers (although AI couldn't capture those details in my instructions for recreation that image) ...and surely I couldn't have stopped, mid way in the bridge to take a snap....or maybe I could have but didn't want to jinx the Beauty of that moment which was so safe in the seer beauty of the creator. 

I couldn't hold my tears as I wrote this and I again realised how deeply I was touched and how our feelings surfaces when we least expect them. 

--

A deep admiration and love for beautiful friendships or brotherhood 💝

--

Today also marks as my sixth year at work... although I am numb to such numbers, I do reflect at the journey. Ty God.