As I am writing this (& also perusing Ops. Management) I realized how the factory of mind wire all the thoughts which is a never ending process unless there comes a point when we realize that we have been day dreaming for almost a a day. Not sure if I am at a different phase of my life where the situations have made me be more closer and attentive to my thoughts and find a soothing sense of companionship; or many people go through this.
Nevertheless I will not hesitate admitting that at times I do feel lonely, I terribly miss home, I miss mom, I constantly judge myself from the perspective of a relationship gone wrong, from a Hurt mom and at times a Dad, a Boss, a colleague, any and everyone who I feel is better than me in all possible ways. I choke when I feel this, I cry ..cry hard, I question myself, I pity myself, I miss a Friend by my-side, I miss the Dreamer - ME. But in the whole uncontrollable upside down process; I hurt my self confidence. I miss to see the beauty of life, the continuity, the Charm.
This also made me realize that there were days when weekends were most awaited and now its something that's most dreaded. When awaited, it meant fun time with friends, long morning walks to un-destined places, cleaning house, making cards, dreaming and dreaming more and working on a plan to infuse life in those dreams and welcome them to my life. Suddenly I see my mind shifted gears and I started to think about the culprit - Weekend! how everything gets pushed to that corner of week as if the weekdays doesn't exist, as if they don't matter even though they fill the large part of our weeks.
I wonder when is that I started to know Weekends as it was not something taught to us from childhood nor we saw this being followed in the family.
I remembered that when I started to work, I was aspiring to become a Graphic Designer, my heart and soul lived for it, breathed that but I could hardly make money out of it or say just by that alone.
By God's grace, I switched jobs and started to earn...that earning felt good as it helped me overcome the dent of financial crunch but later began to suffocate me, it felt as if I was made of Ice, suitable for peak winters but was made to live near the equator :(. But that's when I was introduced to 'Weekends'.
I sometimes feel that we just need to read an extra chapter on 'Keep going/ Motivational thoughts' and start again! as it is rightly said :
Nevertheless I will not hesitate admitting that at times I do feel lonely, I terribly miss home, I miss mom, I constantly judge myself from the perspective of a relationship gone wrong, from a Hurt mom and at times a Dad, a Boss, a colleague, any and everyone who I feel is better than me in all possible ways. I choke when I feel this, I cry ..cry hard, I question myself, I pity myself, I miss a Friend by my-side, I miss the Dreamer - ME. But in the whole uncontrollable upside down process; I hurt my self confidence. I miss to see the beauty of life, the continuity, the Charm.
This also made me realize that there were days when weekends were most awaited and now its something that's most dreaded. When awaited, it meant fun time with friends, long morning walks to un-destined places, cleaning house, making cards, dreaming and dreaming more and working on a plan to infuse life in those dreams and welcome them to my life. Suddenly I see my mind shifted gears and I started to think about the culprit - Weekend! how everything gets pushed to that corner of week as if the weekdays doesn't exist, as if they don't matter even though they fill the large part of our weeks.
I wonder when is that I started to know Weekends as it was not something taught to us from childhood nor we saw this being followed in the family.
I remembered that when I started to work, I was aspiring to become a Graphic Designer, my heart and soul lived for it, breathed that but I could hardly make money out of it or say just by that alone.
By God's grace, I switched jobs and started to earn...that earning felt good as it helped me overcome the dent of financial crunch but later began to suffocate me, it felt as if I was made of Ice, suitable for peak winters but was made to live near the equator :(. But that's when I was introduced to 'Weekends'.
I sometimes feel that we just need to read an extra chapter on 'Keep going/ Motivational thoughts' and start again! as it is rightly said :
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
-Arthur Ashe
and
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
-Steve Jobs
and with this I would want to leave you with your thoughts. But before I signoff, I want you to know that not everything in life is explainable, go with only the tune that your heart wake's-up to, Trust that life is good for all whom you love and who love you. Shed the grudges, feel pure love and above all respect !! - the self and the other. Take good care of your thoughts and yourself!
No comments:
Post a Comment